Swimming with a Shark
by JuMoFi of the March Hare
Summary: Mio Nanami lived in a rich and colorful world of her own when she was little, but after the death of her mother had left her bitter and broken. Aspiring to live up to her mother's dreams she attends Samezuka where she reunites with a long lost friend who, to her surprise, may have to offer a different approach on her goals and her way of seeing the world around her.
1. Mio Nanami

_(J.I.C.) Disclaimer: I don't own Free! or its characters. I only own my OCs. *Cover art by Pichochona on tumblr! Also, feel free to drop by my profile for the latest updates on SWaS! :D_

Chapter One:

The ocean is mysterious. It is as inviting as a siren that sings an enchanting song, and then pulls one down into the bottomless fathoms below. It almost took my childhood friend Kasumi, then claimed my mother, yet for some reason I still visit the beach. I'd like to think it is because another old friend who loved swimming so much when we were kids and his aspirations for it. Maybe it was the way I once believed in everything like there was more that meets the eye. And maybe because I happened to share that innocence with Kasumi before I almost sent her to her death.

But I am not a dreamer. I am not a believer or starry-eyed like I once was.

I am the drifting sailor entranced by a song.

I am a mere shadow of my mother's, following her footsteps towards studying the real mystery: the great and vast ocean.

* * *

It was quiet while I walked down the shore. Not a peep could be heard from town, not even from the fishermen in the bay working the early morning. Sea gulls flocked together up high, flying with the crisp, sea-salty air as sand crunched underneath my bare feet. They, and I, had no cares, no worries like the rest of the teenagers here, yet I was without wings to feel true freedom.

The first day back to school wasn't a big deal. I'd been prepared for the new year and far from concerned about anything else. The only thing on my mind at that point was diving into the water before me. But I couldn't. It was too cold in the spring to search for fish. Though, they were more interesting than sitting through a humdrum algebra class, I had to hold back. _"Patience is a virtue"..._as Mother used to say.

"What're you doing this early in the morning, Nana-onee?"

I looked to the side. My cousin, Gou, yawned as he stretched his arms high above his head.

"I should ask you the same thing, Kou-chan,"I teased. With a name that could be read as both masculine and feminine, it was like tradition to tease him. Deep down I did feel sorry for him and that our aunt didn't have much faith in him before he was conceived.

"It's Gou-KUN to you, dangit!"

I smiled at his flushed face. Compared to the townspeople, Gou had too much energy, something that matched perfectly with his abnormally reddish hair. In his case I wanted him to be like a normal person. His addiction to women's bikinis and swimsuit models would easily label him a freak at school. Thank God he was smart enough to keep that under wraps.

"So, what're you doing? I thought you start class earlier than I do,"he said, kicking some sand in my direction playfully.

"I do, but not until eight."

"It's six in the morning."

"Then I have more time to sit right here."

"No! You gotta go back or a teacher will catch you breaking a rule."

"There's no school rule that says that I-"

"C'mon, sis."

I sighed and said, "Fine...But why are you out here so early? You didn't come to spy on me in a swimsuit, did you?"

"N-no! That's just gross! Mom told me to come out and check on you."

"She knows I'm out here too?"

"She can see you from the kitchen window."

I checked behind us and saw Aunt Hiroki mouthing to me, "Get to class," from the window. _I need a different spot to sit in the morning, _I thought while getting up.

With Gou in tow I retraced my steps to the corner before the campus entrance. I turned and tapped fists with him, wishing him luck on his first day at Iwatobi High. Secretly I'd hoped he would've taken the exams for Samezuka, but his options were swayed by his swimsuit addiction. Saying he wanted to be free and find girls for models and something or other, he didn't realize that Samezuka had begun a trial year for co-ed education. It was a matter of time before he would add two and two together.

When I jogged back to the dorms there weren't any teachers to catch me. I snuck into my room thinking that I had gotten away with it, and I almost believed I did. The room wasn't too big for sound to echo off the walls and the bronze, rusted doorknob didn't produce a squeak of betrayal. My shared bunk bed sat on the opposite side of the door, next to the window, and the tiny, roughly built desks were on both sides of that. Nothing should've gave me away. But out of my careful planning I hadn't anticipated the worst scenario possible.

"Why do you keep sneaking out so early in the morning, Senpai?"

It was my roomate, Kiyoko, the small, fragile first year with silvery white hair pulled back into a bun, and big, wide, orange-brown eyes. And I'd forgotten that she was a light sleeper.

"I went to the bathroom, Kiyoko,"I lied.

"In a tracksuit?"

"Well, I had to 'jog' around to find one." I wasn't one for puns, but that didn't come out as clever as I would've liked it to.

"This isn't funny, Senpai. I don't want you being punished for sneaking out."

"It's fine. I only go out to get fresh air and then I come back."

"Well, you and I know that but the teachers don't. They assume the worst if they catch others breaking rules or-or..."

I understood that she was concerned for me, but I didn't like that I had to be separated from the beach. It was my comfort zone, my only happiness left of bad experiences. Without it I...

"I get the message, Kiyoko. Now let me go back to sleep."

"Senpai!"

I laid on top of my soft, blue sheets and tried to sleep as she kept insisting, "Senpai! This isn't the time to sleep! Nanami-senpai!"

* * *

"Nanami-senpai! It's already 7:30! Please get up!"

The next thing I knew I woke up with Kiyoko yelling in my ear. When she said '7:30', I immediately looked at the clock. She was right.

"Senpai!"

"I'm up! I'm up!"

I dashed to my dresser at the foot of the bed as I tried ripping off my clothes quickly. Kiyoko spun the other way.

"Nanami-senpai, I told you not to fall asleep!"

"I get it. Next time I'll just-"

"Senpai!"

"Ugh..what?!"

"Your hair!"

"What about m-agh!"

When I looked into the mirror on the dresser I saw a hairy beast of tangled curls snarling at me on top of my head. I jumped back from the reflection, running my fingers through my hair to tame it. Kiyoko walked up to me and started running a comb through it.

"Nanami-senpai, you should take better care of your hair. If you leave it curled in a bed-head way, then it'll knot and tangle together."

"Oh, it's always curled like that. I don't care much now."

"Then how about cutting it?"

"No...I want it to stay long."

"So that means you do care?"

"Ugh, Kiyoko-"

Fifteen minutes had gone by after getting on my uniform. _I'm seriously going to be late! _I thought, adrenaline pounding in my ears along with it.

I hurried out the door as Kiyoko shouted my name. Nine more minutes passed after I left the dorm bathrooms. There wasn't any time to lose for me so I kept going, trying to remember which hallway and which building I was supposed to be in for first class.

As I made it to the courtyard with less than ten minutes to go, I headed for the left door on the first building I saw. Kiyoko was still calling my name from one end of the yard. Without thinking I stopped to ask her, "What?!", and bumped right into someone else, causing us both to fall back. A cascade of bags and papers rained down on us, my bag landing on the others' lap. My hand reached out to grab the bag while I tried to apologize. But then I froze when I saw the person's pointed teeth bared in a frown.

"You're-," I breathed as I leaned in slightly closer to get a better look at him.

His very aura was off. Something else about him was far from the rest of boys I'd encountered before...He was as intriguing as the fish, to be bluntly and weirdly honest.

_Could it be...? But that's impossible. He's just...I know! He's someone I knew from before...Wait! _I pondered.

"What are you...Nanami?" he said breathlessly.

"You remember me,...Rin-kun?"

"Well, I'm gonna remember your bag."

_It really is him! _He and I played together as children. Matsuoka Rin. I knew his striking features were familiar. His sharp teeth should've been a dead giveaway.

I smiled, finding his retort somewhat amusing, and said, "Sorry about that."

Rin stuck his arm out and dropped the bag into my hands. The tone in his voice and his demeanor made it sound like our reuniting didn't seem to faze him, like it wasn't worth his time. That's not how he was back then when we were kids. _Is it my imagination or does he seem more irritable? _I wondered.

"Nanami-senpai!"

Kiyoko had just arrived on time to find Rin and I sorting through our papers on the ground. She came up to me and asked, "Senpai, did you bump into someone?"

"Yeah..what were you calling out to me for?"

"You forgot your reading glasses, Senpai."

She held out my glasses' case to me as I stood up. I reached out for the case, seeing Kiyoko taking a peek at Rin. Whatever look he gave to her, it wasn't nice. My roommate shook in fright, nearly crawling behind me to hide from him. Before I could say anything Kiyoko squeaked to me in a flash, "Senpai,-please-remember-to-meet-me-at-the-pool-this-afternoon. Have-a-nice-day!"

Then she darted off like a cartoon character in the other direction. I turned to Rin and replied, "Was it necessary to scare off my roommate?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. I gotta go."

"Hold on. Where're you going?"

"To Chemistry with Hirashi-sensei."

"Then follow me."

"W-wait, what?"

Rin headed for the archway ahead without stopping to answer me. I hesitantly followed after him, calling his name, but gave up after a while of getting no response out of him. I kept my patience, hoping he had some kind of explanation. Rin wouldn't sabotage my schedule on the first day, that I was sure of. He couldn't be that kind of person...

He finally stopped at a classroom at the end of the science hallway, the same one I was assigned to. As we entered, our teacher, Mr. Hirashi took it upon himself to punish us for showing up close to the late bell.

"What's this?! I have two late stu-DENTS!"

On instinct, I ducked down to save myself from the chalk piece hurtling towards us, Rin ending up taking the shot with a surprised grunt. I headed for my desk before Mr. Hirashi could throw his next piece, unlike Rin who walked quietly into the classroom, hands in his pockets like he had no care in the world.

"Get to your-DESK!" the teacher exclaimed.

Rin was struck in the head by a piece of chalk as I scuttled into an empty seat. The others laughed teased, "Bad luck, Rin," and, "wait to mess around with your girlfriend until after class, Matsuoka." He simply laughed with them, in a sarcastic sort of way, then sat down.

"Alright, "Hirashi-sensei began, "Now that everyone's here, I can finally teach you snots!

"Everybody! Look up at the board!"

I took out my notebook and opened to a fresh page. The teacher rambled on about compound mixtures, nothing a trip to the local library couldn't have prepared me for, then to something else about chemicals. Naturally I dozed off after he drifted from the main topic. I looked out the window towards the ocean too far from here, barely visible with the buildings as tall as they were. _Once summer comes, I won't have to wait anymore. I can finally dive into the secret cavern I found years ago. The cavern where all of the colorful fish meet..._

"Oi, Mio."

"Yes!"

For a moment it sounded like Hirashi-sensei, the same deep voice that made everyone quiver in fear, but I looked up to find Rin holding a book behind his head, tired eyes poised at me.

"Oh, it's just you..."

"Wha-ugh,..just get up. We're partners in the lab today."

"Really?"

"If you were paying attention, you would've heard that."

"Well, excuse me, princess..." I mumbled.

He clicked his tongue at me then walked off to the lab station in the corner. I kept pace with him and his directions while helping set up lab on one side of a table separated by two sets of flasks and chemicals, but my attention was on his movements and his tone. The way he kept a certain distance and his arms closer to his body was like fitting pieces of a puzzle for me. I realized he was more closed off to me for a reason, not just a figment of my imagination, but something I had no answer for. In the past he was nearly the complete opposite. He had always been hanging around his friends and smiling, that atmosphere he gave off that seemed to pull people in was what I admired the most about him. This attitude change and brutal-like seriousness made him out to be an entirely different person, but somewhere deep down I could sense the same caring person in him calling out to me.

I wondered if it were possible to make him open up to me.

While we were waiting for some of the chemicals to react I turned to him and asked, "So how come you never said anything to me at the entrance ceremony?"

"Didn't go.."

"I thought I saw a familiar red-head two rows ahead of me."

He frowned and clicked his tongue, proof enough that he found himself caught in a lie.

"Are any of your friends here?"

"Huh?"

"Those boys you used to play with. What were their names...uh, S-Sou...something and Haku?"

"Sousuke...and Haru."

He turned his head the other way and looked out the window. I tried looking in the same direction, but he noticed me and demanded, "What?"

"You're trying to divert the subject."

Rin grumbled. It seemed that he must have had a bad experience with his friends the way he avoided the topic. I should've stopped a long time ago, but I was too stubborn.

"What about you?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I answered.

"You. Have you seen your friend Misuzu?"

That was below the belt...

"I haven't heard from her, no..."

"Then I wouldn't ask about Haru if I were you."

I took my eyes off of the test tube and glared right back at him. His distasteful, frown-upon-thee-look had made me feel as though I were scum. That was why I didn't like to talk to others. There were some that were just bland, colorless people,...and then there were the rare kind like Rin who have too much of a passionate spirit and turn out to repel me like same sides of two magnets.

"All I wanted to know was if you kept in touch with them."

"Yeah, well, not really."

"Is there something wrong?"

"Like what?"

"Did you have a fight with your friends?"

"Why would you want to know?"

"Because it-"

Suddenly a sharp burning sensation washed over my hand. I looked down, finding our compound chemical spilling out of the test tube over the table and seeping under my palm. Rin called out to Hirashi-sensei as he grabbed my arm and forced me to walk to the door. While Rin was cursing under his breath down the hallway, I bit my lip just to keep from screaming. The pain was tolerable but moving my hand or twitching it would feel like a thousand needles piercing flesh. I didn't want to cry..._I wasn't going to cry..._Mom always said to be a big girl and smile or laugh at the pain...

"Mio, hurry up and wash it."

"M-hmm..."

The nurse was out when we stepped in, so Rin took over and moved to search for gauze. I went to the sink and turned the handle, near ready to cry out when the cold water hit the burn.

"I thought I told you to put gloves on before the lab...

"You done over there?"

"If you'd give me a second I'd actually be able to rinse it," I hissed.

After turning back the handle I went back to Rin who held out ointment to me. He stood back and watched me tend to the burn like I needed to be supervised. _My palm is swollen and he's just sitting there! Is he really that insensitive?!_

I sat down on one of the beds and began coiling the bandage around my damp hand. The faint scent of rubbing alcohol and cotton aroused a headache in me, burning at my senses and awakening my nerves. Trying to turn my thoughts to something else barely worked. Hearing Rin sigh at me disappointingly only made me rage more at him inside. I didn't know puberty also brought out the jack-weed in some people...

Suddenly Rin sat down on the opposite cot and grabbed my arm.

"What're y-"

"You're not doing it right. Just hold still."

Everything became deadly quiet when he rolled the bandage wrappings around my hand. His fingers lingered around my wrist, warmth tingling on my skin from his touch that caught me speechless. I stared at them, remembering something. For no reason, I began laughing quietly to myself.

"What's so funny?"

"You wrapping my hand. The last time this happened you cut your finger and I put a band-aid on it."

"E-"

He remembered it. The way his pupils dilated and his slump in his posture made it all too clear.

"You..remember, right?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, yeah."

"Well, sorry if it's unfortunate for you, but I actually liked my childhood!"

"All of it?"

"Huh?"

"That day. You're saying that you're fine with it now?"

"You..."

That day never left my mind even when I wanted to forget it. My friend Kasumi swum out too far into the water, and when she started drowning I...

"Don't you dare mention that day again!" I snapped.

"Have it your way."

Rin walked out of the nurse's office without another word. I felt like exploding in anger at him, and I yet angry at myself._ Why couldn't I say anything back? Why did he have the last word?_

I wiped away the few tears that rolled onto my lips. Me..crying...

I guess I wasn't a big girl after all.

* * *

"Senpai! How did you injure your hand?"

Back at the dorms, that evening, I laid in bed, staring at my wrapped hand. Kiyoko found me, of course, and began running around the room asking me too many questions at the same time.

"It's nothing. It was just a lab accident."

"I knew something had happened when you didn't come to the pool. But-"

"Go to sleep, Aika," I groaned.

Using her first name was a step over the line, but Kiyoko knew that I was serious. I turned away from her, immediately realizing my mistake. Her seat squeaked under her, telling me she gave up and went back to her homework. Finding no way to make amends, I rolled onto my side and held my hand out. The bandage was tight, but comfortable to move around in. The memory of his cut and my giving him a Band-aid suddenly came to me.

_"It's okay, Rin," I said._

_"Agh, it hurts though!"_

_"Here, take this."_

_I wrapped the band-aid around his finger with a Hello Kitty face on it. He grinned at me with his pearly white, baby shark teeth and told me, "Looks like I owe you a favor now."_

_"Really? A favor?"_

_"Yeah!"_

_"Okay! But I don't have one right now."_

_"That's okay. You can redeem it later!"_

_"Cool!"_

_Rin took my hand and walked me down the street. I gripped his hand while a smile formed on my lips. _

I rolled my eyes. The only good thing about it was the comfort I still found in it, but Rin would eventually find a way to ruin that too, no doubt...

The moon outside my window glowed bright with the stars, almost calling out to me as I turned to it. It gave me a second's relaxation before I caught a figure in my peripheral; the one red-head I couldn't bare to look at in the lamplight jogging in a jersey with a little ponytail poking out behind him. _Ugh_...I stuck my tongue at him and switched the lights off.

"Looks like I got caught up with a shark in the water," I muttered to myself.

"What was that, Senpai?"

"Nothing. Goodnight, Aika."


	2. Problems and Solutions

Chapter Two:

After my "reunion" with Matsuoka, a few days had passed before we could hold a decent conversation. His stubbornness and disgusting look on his face made me feel unwelcome, hesitant to cooperate with him during class projects, yet I felt even more compelled to understand him. It seemed so unnatural to me to see a Matsuoka that acted like a complete jerk when his boyish, baby shark tooth smile was still fresh in my head. Of course, I wasn't concerned for whatever issue made him this way. He made it clear that I wasn't allowed to be close to him as we were before. All I wanted was to make sense of him.

I'd been living in the same town nearly all my life and I knew almost everyone. True, there were more new people at Samezuka, but they weren't any different from the others. But Matsuoka stood out. He could be one type of person, but acted like another. I'd seen the change in him as he talked to our classmates and jogged around campus by himself. His mysteriousness had attracted many female students, but for some reason he treated them much differently than me. I was the odd one out to him. _But how was that logical?_

The way I saw it he was nothing more than a shark swimming over prey. He wasn't dangerous, but that didn't mean he couldn't flip. It was remarkable, but irritating all the same.

He was a question to be answered in all due time.

* * *

One morning, Kiyoko woke me up before my alarm. I hated that she began doing so because of what happened the first day, but she wouldn't let it go. So, like usual, I got dressed and went to the cafeteria for breakfast without all the "bright-eyed and bushy-tailed" mood.

With a tray in hand I walked down the serving line to see what was set out for students. I saw someone ahead of me take a blueberry muffin, then spotted a bento box with pickled plums. My hunger interrupted my thoughts, making me forget other people behind me. One of them came in closer, so I snapped back to reality and tried grabbing the bento box in arm's reach. As I was about to take it, another hand appeared. I froze as their fingers brushed mine. At the moment all I could do was stand speechless when I should've pulled away quickly. Their fingers were much bigger, skin rough to the touch-a male student, no doubt. Then came a feeling of butterflies in my stomach._ Am I really that hungry_? I thought.

I pulled away and turned to see who was behind me. As fate would have it, the one person who I couldn't stand the most was gaping at me with a confused look on his flushed face.

I brushed him off, grabbed the bento, and mumbled, "Oh, it's just you."

And what does he do? He makes a scoffing noise in his throat and says, "Mio?"

I skimmed my way to the register. As he followed, I asked, "No honorific? How rude."

"You're the one who insulted me."

"How so?"

Another grumble came from him.

"Is that your answer?"

"You touched me."

"Excuse me for that. Your hand was in my way," I said sarcastically.

Taking each step in unison together, he and I walked side by side, glaring at the other from the corner of our eyes. I could sense the irritation coming from him as much as I could feel my hair brushing my cheek. On the inside, I couldn't believe I was challenging him like this, but deep down it was amusing to see him react, unlike the other times we've talked. And if this was his personality showing the least I could do is study his speech patterns.

To my surprise, he sat down at the same table as me near the window of the cafe. We both faced each other.

"I'll move," he said like he was admitting defeat.

"You can sit here, if you'd like. I'll only be here shortly."

Matsuoka sighed in exasperation.

"What's with you?" he asked, sitting back down in the seat across from me, "Before, you were all too interested in the past, and suddenly you're acting like a stingy old woman."

_Hmm, he doesn't conceive rudeness in his conversations with other women. Must be distant from his female relatives, or became bold overtime. But he can hold a short conversation with our classmates. Distant from his mother, then. But where does that put his younger sister, then?..._

"I'm simply backing off. I thought you wanted that."

I started eating. He grumbled.

_I'm being civilized as much as possible. What more does he want me to do? Doesn't he realize that the person he's conversing with finds him a bit annoying?_

"I don't want you in my business," he added after seeing me finish my rice last.

"Only me, then?" I asked while taking out my notebook from my bag.

"What do you mean?"

"You stressed the 'you' in your sentence. I'm simply asking if you only want me to stay out of your 'personal' business or just everyone."

"Of course I don't want just anyo-Will you look at me?"

He tugged at my notebook laying on the table, managing to pull it from my hands covering the page. I looked up at him and snapped, "Now who's rude?"

"It's rude not to look at someone when you're talking."

"It's rude not to use an honorific at the end of my last name or touch my belongings."

"Do you have to counter everything I say?"

"Only if you're going to attack anything I say."

He clicked his tongue.

_Damn, now I'm the one treading in deep waters._

I sat back into my seat, giving up trying to fight about it. He glanced at the book, almost tempted to flip through the pages and read. All of my notes combined with my mother's old ones about different fish were collected into the ratty pages of the notebook.

"What is this? Class notes?"

"No...I'm wri-"

I stopped myself to think about where I was going with that sentence, but my mouth kept going. "I'm writing notes...on something else."

"Something outside of school?"

"Yes," I said, stressing the 's' at the end. I tried to keep my thoughts to myself but it was useless at that point. I didn't want to be defensive since he could easily see the white of the pages and make out a few words, but I hated giving in so quickly.

His wrist flicked towards me as if he were going to hand it back, but a sudden knock on the window shattered the moment. We turned to see two familiar faces looking worried and bowing quickly. Then we watched in silence as they entered the cafeteria and came to our table.

"Senpai, you forgot your glasses again!"

"Senpai, you forgot your book in the dorm!"

It was the most irritating thing I could possibly experience: two 'kouhai''s who chased after their upperclassmen and acting like towel boys-Kiyoko and Matsuoka's dorm-mate, Nitori Aiichiro. I swallowed back the sarcastic remark that was itching to crawl out of my mouth.

I muttered a small "thanks" to Kiyoko and took my glasses' case from her. Matsuoka said, "Yeah, thanks," in a bored tone before taking his Science textbook. He looked at me and replied, "So what're you hiding in your journal?"

"I'm not hiding anything."

He shrugged, motioning defeat with his hands in the air. But there was something about his smug little grin that had me unsettled.

"Fine, I guess I won't bother."

Matsuoka stood up and passed by the others, but to my surprise he leaned over and said in my ear, "But that doesn't mean I'm not curious, Nana-chan."

I failed to stifle the gasp that left my lips. He quickly left with Niitori as I spun around ready to throw something at him.

There he went, and I was stupefied and still sitting in my seat.

"Senpai?" squeaked Kiyoko.

"That asshole," I mumbled.

"Mio-senpai?!"

"Nothing...let's just go."

The rest of the day was nothing but that smug grin from him and an occasional "Nana-chan" at the end of his sentence. Matsuoka must have remembered that all my adult relatives called me by that disgustingly cute nickname. That was a good play, but I countered back with an old name of his called "Matsu-kun". It worked well for awhile, but then others would look at us in class and whisper to each other. I quickly caught on that they assumed we were dating, and after Matsuoka had finally gotten that through his thick skull we both had to drop the nickname charade. At least, I did until he was jogging that night outside my window and mouthed, "Nana-chan" to me. I stuck my tongue out and turned off the lights.

Earlier that next morning, I put on my windbreaker and gym pants. I was determined to sneak out to the beach again without the interference of my roommate.

The only benefit of the moldy, less-facilitated building called the girls' dorm was that it hid a hole in the fences. The school board probably didn't pay much attention, but sooner or later they'd take notice to animals sneaking onto property or an intruder coming through undetected. I figured I might as well use my escape route while it was still available.

I ducked through the hole and followed the sun towards the town. From there it was easier to get to the beach, and I shook with anticipation. Online there was talk of schools of fish coming in that fishers were eager to catch, although I had no idea which species they were talking about. Most likely the common bass, but it was enough reason for me to get out and search.

It was worth the walk to the beach. There was a cool breeze coming in that toyed with my hair, and I could practically taste the salt in the air while next to the sea. The rhythmic whoosh of the waves rolling over each other was like music, save for the seagulls that dared to flop down closer to me. I rose to my feet, scaring them away, willing myself to take off my shoes and dip my feet into the water.

_This is perfect...I wish this moment would replay forever..just like this..._

Wading in the water, listening to the waves and the wind, the seagulls, wondering if there were fish nearby that I could see...It was perfect enough for me. I counted the seconds I had of this one moment before I had to put my shoes back on and drag myself back to the school. I made it up to sixty-seven before taking a step out of the water, and then jumped at the sound of my name. A tall stranger tripped on the sand, falling on top of me. My eyes diverted to different places while trying to comprehend that I was pinned underneath someone, and when I did they zipped forward to the stranger. Matsuoka.

"You followed me?! What's your problem?"

"You think I wanted to bump into you?! Where's the-"

He looked up, trying to search for something he was carrying. But then he stopped and cursed under his breath.

"What're you-" I said while leaning back to look at the water. It was my notebook-sitting in the water about to float away.

I pushed him off of me and scrambled in the sand to catch it. The notebook didn't make it too far, but the whole thing was dripping wet. And some of the extra papers stuffed in it weren't written in pen, or of strong material.

"Do you realize what you just did?!"

"I tried to give it back to you-"

"Don't even try to make an excuse, idiot! This...My mother's..."

I shook my head. There was still time to make it back to the dorms, whether I'd caught or not, and try to blow-dry the pages before they stuck or fell out.

I tucked my feet into my shoes and ran as fast as I could back to the dorms. By the time I made it to the hole in the fence, I looked back to see if Matsuoka followed me. He didn't.

_Doesn't matter. It all depends on if the notebook makes it._

That's what I kept thinking while running back to the room. But that one hope in the back of my mind wasn't enough to keep the notebook in tact. After I gave it some time to dry from the blow-dryer, the pages were wrinkled, salty-smelling, and smudged with old ink the paper once had. What was once pen ink was the equivalent of water color, and anything in pencil was practically invisible.

I tried looking for the old picture I had of my mother, father, and I that I knew was tucked into a certain page, but it never turned up. Gone...

The black hole in my body that bore fruit the day my mother died opened up and ripped away all of my hope and joy.

I felt like I had just lost my mother once again. That I let her down...I failed her.

Kiyoko woke up to the sound of me crying like a baby as I laid in bed still dirty with sand on my clothes.. I gave up trying to look stand-offish and uninterested in front of her that horrible day. I had no desire to go to class, and I let Kiyoko hover over me like a worried mother and come back with a few of my papers from my classes. As I felt miserable for myself in the dorm, her kindness made me think back on our first day together. All that time I'd been a terrible upperclassman to her, not showing any care for her effort or being a decent role model. I was stuck in my thoughts that I didn't pay her much mind.

The next day I had picked myself back up and owed Kiyoko as much to see her swim club practice. But really, it was an excuse to take my mind off of the notebook. When I told her that morning that I'd try to make it for sure she lit up like the morning sun, then told me that the next practice available was next week.

In that time period I didn't speak a word to Matsuoka. Neither did he say anything back. It was complete silence between us. Others would look at me oddly, staring at the puffiness or the bloodshot in my eye. I didn't care about them, but when Matsuoka did I felt upset. Those eyes that were once filled with intolerance and bitterness were now burning a hole into me with pity and concern. I didn't like that. At. All.

I didn't need his pity, neither his apology even if he were to offer one. All I wanted was a barrier of silence sitting in between him and me.

That barrier lasted until their next practice as I walked to one side of campus where Kiyoko told me the natatorium would be. I met her outside the building before going in. She smiled so happily and offered the door for me, and I entered thinking that I should probably tell her later on that she didn't have to do that for me at all.

A gust of humid air jumped out at me as I took my first step in. From inside it was nothing more than dank humidness and faint rank of other's sweat clogging out the fresh oxygen, unlike the natural warm breeze of the seashore. I paused at the entrance to read the mood of the voices coming from the pool, considering whether to play it out cool or act amazed at the scene.

_No, just act unfazed_, I thought.

There were groups of people swimming and walking around when Kiyoko and I stood back near the entrance. I started listening to their conversations echo from wall to wall. It reminded me of the small cavern I'd found near by the shore, abandoned by the fish and coral. When I first found it, I stayed inside until the evening, splashing around and pretending that I was the Little Mermaid. _How much time had passed since then? Seven? Eight years?_

I remembered singing a high note once and it bounced off the walls and back to me in the cavern. I laughed because only I could hear it. Here, in the natatorium, it seemed like everyone voice's were singing in chorus inside my cavern.

Kiyoko mentioned my name, and I immediately blinked back to reality to see what she wanted.

"Senpai! Over here!"

Kiyoko waved to me from a group of people gathering around two team leaders. I had then noticed that she was wearing a two-piece swimsuit with her hair still in a side tail. It dribbled water down her shoulder, and her feet left a wet trail from my side to her.

"Aren't you suppose to wear a school-brand swimsuit?" I asked once I stood at her side.

"The team would if we had enough money to buy them. But it's our first year, so..."

She smiled at me. She probably thought that she was so excited to have her senpai come to watch her team practice, and just maybe I would join the team. I had a notion that there were other people more interested in being here than me...boys wanting to see the girls swim...

"Do you have the pool to yourselves?"

"The team captain Mikoshiba-senpai has a few members here. He says that he wants all of the kouhai and us to learn from each other before swimming with our assigned teams."

_Or wants to jump into the pool with the girls to "help" them..._

"A-ah, is that right?" I said distractedly.

"Yeah. The team captains are speaking, so let's listen!"

The team 'kaichous' _(captains)_ stood tall in front of their members while repeating the same thing as Kiyoko told me. The female captain, a tall girl with naturally fire colored, wavy hair (obviously a half-foreigner) and cream-like colored skin, held her hands on her hips. The male captain, the Mikoshiba-senpai, crossed his arms with a stern expression.

After they ordered the teams to split, Kiyoko introduced me to the female captain, Chie Emi, who greeted me with a warm smile and said, "Pleased to meet you. I'm the team captain of the girl's swim team. What brings you here today?"

"Nanami-senpai agreed to see our practice?"

"Ah, so you're interested in joining our team?"

"Well...A little..." I croaked.

"Well, no worries. I'd be glad to show you around and possibly look into a trial membership. Although our club is new, we have to have our own swimsuits for now, but we don't have any extra in the back. I'm sorry if you were perchance interested in swimming with the others."

"Oh, it's quite a-"

Before I could finish, Mikoshiba stood in front of me and replied, "So, this is the one girl who you were mentioning before?"

He stared down at me for a moment and then suddenly dipped in closer saying, "I'm the male team captain, Mikoshiba. Say, you look kind of cute-"

"Neh, Mikoshiba-kun?" Chie-san cooed in a stagnant tone of voice and a hand gripping his shoulder tightly, "I think it rude for you to flirt in front of people when you should be coaching the others by the pool."

He bowed slightly at me and silently walked away. Chie-san sighed.

"Please excuse him. He's not in his right mind at the moment."

The captains talked in the corner while the younger members and I waited for the practice to begin. While watching them, I studied their conversation, trying to make out a clear image of their actions: Chie-san was an older sister type, well-mannered and wore a gentle face no matter the circumstance, but scary when she was upset. I took note that it was best to make polite conversations and short responses to her questions. The way Chie-san never once crossed her arms in front of him suggested that she was already used to his kind of behavior. As for Mikoshiba, he was looked like a strict professional, but really he was like an older brother, give or take when he was looking at girls. The first few times approaching him might be weird.

_Just don't give him an opening for him to make a move on you, _I warned myself.

With a reassured grip on his shoulder, Chie-san nodded and turned to the group.

"So, Mio-san, would you like to see our practice?"

I answered her with a polite bow, "If you don't mind for today."

Mikoshiba-san curled his lips around the mouth of the whistle hanging from his neck and blew into it. A line of male members bustled towards the diving boards while the girls stayed behind. There were only enough boys to fill up each row with two people to them. The ones in the front row bent over, some gripping the edges of the board with their fingertips. With a shrill blow of the whistle they quickly dove right into the pool.

As I stood and watched, I swore I felt time slow to a stop when they leapt off the boards. Their arms lifted, opening like a bird was lifting off to take flight. Then everything sped to normal, and I gaped at the boys now arcing through the water. I thought that Mikoshiba was some kind of monster if he could make those guys practice that hard that they looked like dolphins swimming: gracefully and amazingly fast. Especially in the first few weeks that the year started.

Their captain turned to me after all of them were finished and asked, "So, Nanami-chan, have your ever seen a more elite team than this?"

I quickly answered, "Oh no, not ever."

I could tell that he was smiling on the inside trying to not show emotion while Chie-san was surveying him.

He gave them advice while they were swimming, and he stood tall and proud, like a lion, as he directed practice hours they had to meet with him next. All of the boys seemed to fear him and respond to him like he were their sergeant in the military.

Mikoshiba was probably highly respected before I came to Samezuka.

As for the other captain, she was more encouraging and motherly towards the girls. She did so with a smile, calling out to some of them to rotate their arms in bigger circles at the edge of the pool or tell them to kick a little harder. For a group that just started they were keen like the boys' team, but some of them put off a mood to show that they weren't as determined to be great. Yet they had potential.

_Don't I have potential like them? The only thing I haven't been crushed emotionally of is swimming._

Watching them swim tempted me to give in and ask to sign up for the team, but I didn't want to jump right into it. I'd have to keep up with practice and meetings, and even compete in an event in the season if I was chosen to be apart of the group going. It seemed like too much of a hassle. No, I felt that it was a hassle. And there was no push for me to become part of the team.

_"If it's something or someone you love, you can tolerate the little things, and blow past the big ones."_

That was what my mother once said when I wanted to quit swimming school because Matsuoka beat my record. She always encouraged me to "follow my heart" and "break the barriers" as she put it, but all of that encouragement turned to ash when she...

_What if this isn't the right choice, Mother? What if I followed the dream that you loved so I could at least pretend to have your enthusiasm or your courage? Try to be more like you?_

I knew there would be no response.

Rhetorical or not, watching others swim reminded me that other people had their own reasons and goals for joining the swim team. Goals...like how my mother aimed to be the most knowledgeable marine biologist.

"Chie-san."

"Yes?" She answered after the group took a break to stretch.

"Will you let me sign up for the team?"

Chie-san gently smiled. "We'd be glad to have you. But you'll need to fill out a club form."

"I don't mind at all."

I knew what I wanted to do. There was no time to regret my decision. I was going to join the swim team. I was going to give it my all, and keep going with my goal to become a marine biologist like my mother. To make sure that her dreams were successful. Joining the swim team was beneficial for me, as I had convinced myself, and kept me from being written off as a L.E.E.T.

No regrets...but just one.

Kiyoko came back from the natatorium later that night with news from the team captains.

"Nanami-senpai..um, Someone else joined the swim team as well as you today."

"Okay..." I said, puzzled, as I looked up from our desk working on homework.

"It's...Matsuoka-senpai..."

It took me a minute to process the name, and then it suddenly dawned on me like sun in my eyes.

"Matsuoka...That asshole!"


	3. To Compete with that Two-Faced Shark!

Chapter Three:

It took until that Monday night for me to find Matsuoka and confront him about joining the swim club. The slick bastard was able to go undetected for the longest time but he couldn't get away from me when he had his own schedule he followed so strictly. After the sun had already set and the lamp lights switched on, he'd go on his usual jog that involved going past my dorm, giving me the perfect chance to catch him.

I put on my windbreaker and jogging pants before marching right outside. To my surprise, I found him right outside the main entrance.

"Hey, Matsuoka!"

He glanced from the corner of his eye to find me jogging right beside him.

"Huh? No honorific?"

_That ass! _I thought, _He's using my own words against me!_

"You joined the swim team," I stated more than asked.

"What's it to you?" he huffed.

I kept up with him while we turned the corner. He wasn't breaking a sweat, adding more to his fake bravado.

"It's something. But why?"

"Why what?"

"Why'd you join?"

"I'm not gonna tell you," he scoffed.

"Why not?"

"I told you. You don't need to know any of my business. Period."

He stepped ahead of me, but I zipped next to him and demanded, "You ruin my notebook and then you insult me? I think this can be at least some sort of payment."

"What kind of logic is that? It was just a stupid notebook. You can get another anywhere in town. Now go back to your dorm..."

Matsuoka turned back to the sidewalk as I fumed behind him. Not only was I infuriated to the point where I could kick him in-between the legs, but I was so desperate for an answer that I'd jump in front of him and try once more. My mind was rolling the thought around of me shaking him like a rag doll. And my body...it decided against it and went for the latter.

"Get out of my way!" Matsuoka snapped.

I held my ground, arms out to stop him.

"No!"

"Why are you so annoying when it comes to getting your way, huh?" he said more to himself than to me.

"Me?! You're the one who insists on being the most stubborn-the most BULLHEADED-"

"Keep your voice down! You'll wake someone up with that mouth of yours!"

"Make me, jerk!"

Matsuoka grumbled to himself and responded, "You're acting like a brat, Nana-cha-"

His mouth was left agape as he realized he called me by my old nickname. It was like a bullet in the back, unexpected and hurtful. Whether or not it was intentional, I was not in the mood to be teased like that.

"You're the one who is acting like a child, Matsuoka. I ask a simple question and you shut me down? At least give me a reason."

"Reason to what?"

"To shut me out."

"Because I don't want you prying in my business. Isn't that good enough?"

I lowered my arms, crossing them as I scowled at him.

"Fine...Then humor me. If you want to play games, then let's make a bet."

He chuckled under his breath, not taking me seriously.

"Really?" he guffawed. "What do you think I'd make a bet for?"

"We're in the natatorium together, right? The next practice that involves time trials we'll see who beats the other. If I win, you spill your guts-and I mean everything. And if you win-"

"You stay away from me and out of my life."

I grimaced. Somewhere deep inside, I panicked as to think that he'd want such a thing like that.

"It's a deal, then?" I asked.

He smirked in disbelief.

"You can keep talking all you want, but I don't owe you a thing. Try not to throw a fit even if I win."

"I expect you to do the same."

Matsuoka made a dangerous half-grin at me, flashing his sharp, pearly white teeth before disappearing into the night. I jogged back to my dorm thinking that he was such an idiot for pushing me over the boundary. But I was also the fool. I'd never in my life dared anyone to something so childish like a competition. It was the adrenaline, the impulse to say something. And it got me nowhere. Should I lose, I won't have the opportunity to understand him.

While I was laying in bed, waiting to fall asleep, I couldn't bring myself to shut my eyes. _How could I have been so stupid? _I scolded myself, _So wreckless? I was as much a child as him to make a petty bet like that...How low can I get to make him talk to me?...To have him look at me?..._

I let him get underneath my skin after that remark about my mother's notebook. He should've known that it was hers...he'd seen it before when he used to visit...But he must not be as respectable as I'd thought he was...That alone could give me enough sense to put him in his place.

_But why do I want that answer so badly? Was it because I can't read him like an open book? Maybe...maybe..not..._

While deep in thought I fell asleep, thinking about the look on his face if I did win. I'd make him rub his face in the dirt for insulting me, leaving him to wallow in his self-pity and worthlessness.

"I told you that I'd make you cry. When will you ever learn, Matsuoka?"

"I'm so sorry, Mio-sama! I shouldn't have challenged you so carelessly like that! What can I do to make it up to you?"

"Make it up to me, you say?" I cooed.

I laughed to myself as I thought about anything and everything downright embarrassing for him to do.

"I know! You can-"

"Senpai! Are you awake?" Matsuoka squeaked in an oddly familiar girly voice.

His face suddenly merged with Kiyoko's as her voice came out of his mouth, making my eyes snap open the instant my dream became an utter nightmare. My body jumped up from the bed, my head almost jamming into Kiyoko's forehead. She stepped away in time and told me, "Ah! I'm so sorry. You were talking in your sleep, so I thought you'd wake up if I raised my voice."

"Ugh..." I moaned. "Thanks for the daily wake-up call..."

I caught a glance at the wall clock hanging from the opposite side.

_What the hell?!  
_

"Why are we up an hour before the usual time?" I demanded.

"Well..." Kiyoko said bashfully, "Since both of us are on the swim team...we have to meet the group to do a morning jog."

A moment passed by before I replied, "Excuse me?"

"Our captain usually has us do morning warm-ups with the other team. It's one of the few things we do to keep fit and energized for practice later."

"We have practice today?!"

"They're nothing, really. But I think we won't get to major things until later this week, at least us girls won't, anyway."

_Then that should be when Matsuoka and I will have to race. But I gotta find out which day it's on..._

"Fine," I gave in, "let's go jog."

Kiyoko grinned at me getting out of bed and handed me my usual attire for running from my closet, the ones I tried washing the sand off after what happened at the beach. The short time with Matsuoka wasn't as noticeable, but when I was outside for an hour with a group of people everyone could smell the sea salt and see the sand still stuck to my clothes. And it was terrible by the looks and upturned noses I got from my team and the boys. Nearly everyone tried to run past me or keep a safe distance behind.

"I don't think it's that bad, Nanami-senpai," encouraged Kiyoko, "in fact, it's like a breath of fresh air by the shore."

"Yeah, if you're a fisherman," jeered someone from behind.

In came Matsuoka. Wearing that smug grin from cheek to cheek, happy with his own joke he made to spite me.

"I wouldn't smell like the harbor if it wasn't for you!"

"Me?" he scoffed.

"You're the one who pinned me to the ground. Pervert!"

"Oi, it isn't my fault if I tripped!"

"Your feet. Your fault," I huffed as I jogged ahead of him.

"Is this supposed to be your way of throwing me off of my game, or are you just flirting?" he teased.

"In your demented dreams, Mat-"

I didn't pay attention to Kiyoko who tried to warn me, and for that I ran right into someone else, sending both of us to the ground.

"Nanami-senpai!"

The other person rolled onto their stomach and pushed themselves up on their feet.

"Watch where you're goin'!" they, another girl on my team, hissed.

She went ahead with her other friends who sneered at me before turning away. I looked back at Kiyoko who asked if I was alright, but on my other side Matsuoka held his breath to keep from laughing out loud, letting out a chuckle after so long.

I quickly got up and shoved him with an irritated force. He caught himself just before the fall then gaped at me with his temper rising in his chest.

"What the hell was that for?!"

"If you take me any less seriously, you better believe I'll shove it back in your face!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, so back off!"

We were almost nose-to-nose as we glared at each other. I won by a heartbeat, and then he suddenly leaned into my side and said in my ear, "Then what's it gonna take for you to call off this 'deal' and leave me alone?"

"Absolutely not. You better not pull out on me, especially when you don't have anything to lose," I jeered right back.

"Have it your way, then."

He backed away, eyeing the team captains who were coming closer from behind. Before he left, Matsuoka also added, "Now I won't have to feel bad about beating a girl."

If only I'd been able to counter back. He walked away in time to avoid the captains. They confronted Kiyoko and I for stopping in the middle of the path, yet Matsuoka should've taken some of the blame as well. Instead he sat back and watched me suffer like an ant under a magnifying-glass throughout the rest of the day in class. It was both creepy and undeniably annoying.

* * *

"He honestly does believe he's better than me. Matsuoka is both two-faced and incredibly-in-just STUPID!"

Kiyoko blinked after I looked to her for a response.

"Senpai, I only asked if you wanted something from the vending machine outside..."

We were both back in our dorm room after the long Tuesday that hadn't started off well. She stood by the door and I laid on my bed gripping my pillow tightly as a stress-reliever.

Out of sheer frustration I gave an exasperated "ugh" as I leaned back onto my bed.

"Senpai, I don't think it's healthy to think about him too much. Matsuoka-senpai must obviously be doing this to upset you...

"Maybe I should bring back some tea-"

"Save the tea for later. I think it's time to start drilling for the swim team."

"You mean you'd-"

"Once we have a time trial, I'll beat that jerk into submission!"

"I don't think that's the sort of attitude to go into-"

"It's alright. But I'm going to need your help, Kiyoko."

"Is it to practice for the team-?"

"Yes and no."

She paused, and then insisted, "Maybe the tea-"

"No tea!"

She reached for the doorknob.

"No!"

"But-"

"Are you in or out, Kiyoko?"

"Nanami-senpai..." she pouted.

"Please, Kiyoko...-chan?"

Kiyoko grumbled something to herself before answering, "O...okay..."

* * *

After two days of training in and out of the pool, I was ready for the time trial that was scheduled for the afternoon. It was Thursday morning when I woke up feeling more than prepared to beat Matsuoka, even after so long of him teasing me and trying to cut me off in group warm-ups or in the water. He tried many ways of getting on my nerves, and each time seemed to work. The last time he did that both of us raced around the entire school lot to see who was the fastest. We had to call a draw when the team captains caught up to stop us. And by then everyone knew that he and I were competing. From Kiyoko's perspective some were making bets on us.

_Perfect...So far I only wanted this to be a subtle match, but now I'm the one who's got the most amount of support from the teams, _I thought as I sat in class, _What makes it even worse is that Matsuoka is still not taking this seriously. He might not have done so as a kid, but now it just seems like I'm nothing but a game to him._

I had my doubts about the match since that morning. If he was doing that to toy with me or just for his own gain, then I was the one who looked like the fool. But he could also do it to boost his morale for the match. The chance that he wasn't fit to go through with it was probably slim since he was all about pride, but that didn't mean I was set to lose. I was as much determined to beat him as he was to me.

After class that day I decided to do a short walk around the lot to warm up for the big event. Around the corner of my dorms I picked up the pace to get my blood pumping, but had to stop before making it half way down the block. I got a text from my cousin.

**"How evil, Stupid Sis! First you hold back that there IS a girls' team at Samezuka and then you join it! Be prepped for my wrath at the joint practice today!" **it read.

_What the hell does he mean by that? And how did he figure out about the team when I've been keeping it secret after so long?!_

Putting the phone back into my pocket, I wished away all of the distractions around me so I could focus on my last minute warm-ups. And that's all I was paying attention to when I turned the corner, almost running into another jogger in the process.

"Watch where you're going!"

"Oh, great! Just my luck seeing YOU here!" I countered.

Matsuoka stopped to catch his breath...or to think of a better remark than mine. I wasn't in the mood to hear it, so I quickly interjected, "Getting ready for practice or are you out here to convince me to go easy on you?"

"I don't care what you do, so long as this is the last thing I have to do to get you away from me."

"Ouch, good one," I sneered sarcastically.

He clicked his tongue as he rolled his eyes at me, clearly frustrated and right where I wanted him: out of focus for the match.

"Whatever...You do realize that today we have to share the pool for time trials?"

"Of course...all of us on both teams have to share...Is that some sort of joke?"

"Suit yourself..."

"Hmph...fine. I'll see you at pool."

"Wh-hey! Watch-"

At first I thought he was going to argue with me more, then I realized that half of my foot was over the sidewalk and pulling my weight down with it. A gasp escaped my lips as I braced myself for the fall...But I didn't feel my body hit the ground. Instead...an arm wrapped around my waist at the last moment and pulled me back into a sturdy body. I felt jacket material underneath my hands...and a rock-hard chest beneath all that. When I saw Matsuoka standing in front of me, muttering something about me being a klutz, I didn't fight back. Or punch. Or kick. Or anything. I froze in his arm, my hands still pressed to his chest.

My knees grew weak and my face warm...I would've automatically assumed that it was some kind of bodily reaction to falling or the start of a cold, but it felt so strange. I'd never had that feeling at all before...

_No. It'll make me distracted. This is just him trying to distract me._

"Would you let go of me?" I snapped at him.

"I would if you'd do the same and stop fondling my chest."

"I'm not fondling. I'm trying to keep you from copping a feel!"

He let go as he chuckled darkly, "I'm not into stubborn broads...so you shouldn't worry."

I pushed his arms away and hissed, "And I'm not into jackass compensaters."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Take a wild guess as to what you're compensating for!"

He growled under his breath, ready to snap, but he balled his hands into fists and took a deep breath.

_Well, look at this...I can finally get under his skin after so long of him doing so to me..._

"Mio..." he replied, inklings of frustration still lingering in his voice.

"What?"

"As kids we used to race each other, right?"

_Where is this coming from?_

I slowly nodded.

"Then let me remind you that this isn't like that at all."

"You think this is a game to me?!"

"Whether or not it is, I meant what I said before: If I win, I don't ever want to hear from you at all again. Got it?"

I pursed my lips tights as I tried to recover from that blow. The weird, sad feeling from the other night was crawling back into my head. It made me believe that the world would come crashing down on me if I weren't able to talk to or look at Matsuoka anymore...Yet I had to be mentally ready for anything that would happen after today's meet-up.

"I'm not dumb. I remember what you said..."

Though I was ready for our match, nothing could've prepared me for the sudden surprise of a joint-practice with a neighboring public school. I didn't remember the captains mentioning anything like this to the teams even when Kiyoko reminded me after I joined the team inside the pool room.

And sure enough, there was Gou racing around to find good angles to take pictures of my teammates' swimsuits. I couldn't afford to have someone close to me try to ruin the match for me like that, so I stormed towards him ready to smack him upside the head.

"Gou-kun!" someone nearby called out to him.

He and I turned to the person running for him. A tall, dark-brown haired girl with more tone in her body than two Kiyokos combined raised her hands to her hips as she stopped to ask him to keep from leaving her side. The girl called him "manager" of her team before they left which made me stop and stare for a moment.

_Gou becoming a manager of a girls' swim team? Now that's hysterical..._

"Nanami-senpai, you should probably get changed soon," warned Kiyoko who suddenly appeared by my side.

With a nod I walked towards the locker rooms on the other side of the pool holding my bag of swim materials in one hand. Gou was skulking away with that other girl, seeming to be just fine without me...but it somehow kinda hurt me to see him rely on someone else to watch over him.

At the locker room doors Matsuoka passed by taunting, "Looks like you missed half the match. I went on ahead without you."

"How did you even get here before me?" I asked.

"I didn't take my time going back to my dorm to get my swimsuit."

"Ergh..."

He walked away, smiling, after warning me, "Don't go over forty seconds."

_Forty__ seconds, huh?_ I wondered as I changed out of my clothes in the locker room. _I can beat that. It shouldn't be too hard..._

I closed the locker I was using and smacked my cheeks to break away from anymore nuisances. Exhaustion and nerves were eating away at my stomach, but I fought on to ignore it. Everything that I trained to do and what Kiyoko taught me was my main priority. And I wasn't going to lose to Matsuoka.

By the poolside, Kiyoko caught up to me asking why my face was red. I told her not to worry, but that I wanted to know what Matsuoka's time was.

When she left, I stood by the girls on one side watching the boys swim. Some of the swimmers made average times, some were faster, but to a few girls it didn't matter as long as they could get a glimpse of half-naked guys. How distasteful...

"Oh!"

A girl next to me stumbled into my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry..." she meekly replied.

It was almost like a feather brushing against my skin that I didn't notice her until she apologized. I looked to her to respond, a shorter girl with natural wavy, teal hair, fair skin, and pale blue, somewhat lavender eyes, but was stopped to a tiny voice from someone else murmuring my name.

One other girl, up to my shoulders in height with dark blue hair in twin tails and sky-colored eyes stared at me.

_It can't be..._

"Kasumi?"

The first girl left us to our own privacy, although there wasn't much in a crowded pool room.

Kasumi and I couldn't speak to each other for a few minutes alone. I didn't know exactly what to say in a situation where an old friend who moved away with little explanation suddenly returns in the most unexpected way...The issue back then...was just as hard on a kid as losing your mother shortly thereafter, so of course there would be a little bad blood between us...and this awkward silence.

"Hey, Kasumi," I tried to use as a conversation starter, "it's...been awhile, huh?"

"Y-yeah..."

She grasped an arm, almost cowering back from me. I didn't want to scare her, but anything coming to my mind was nothing but jibberish.

"I see that my cousin is here. He probably saw the girls' swim team and weaseled his way in..."

"Umm...well, I wouldn't say that...Gou-kun promised to be on his best behavior as our manager."

"He's your manager?"

I wanted to laugh at that...it really was true. He was a manager of a girls' swim team. But that meant that Kasumi was a part of it...she was attending a different school...

"Well, he's always been like that. Ever since he was a toddler, he's tried to tug on women's bikinis on the beach-"

_"Kasumi! Where are you? Kasumi!"_

A sudden flashback of that horrible day came and went in a flash, tightening around the same mental scar it left back then. I could see the same fear in Kasumi's eyes when she tried to hide it, and I quickly apologized hoping she wouldn't be upset.

"There's no need...to apologize. I'm quite fine with it..really..."

"...Really...?"

For a child, almost drowning would've scarred them enough for a lifetime. In Kasumi's body, it would've been doubly so. She was always meek and timid as a kid, and so the fear would still be there after so long. And...as well as some bitterness towards the person who stayed away from her more often after that day..._I shouldn't have left her like that...even though I thought it was best when I didn't know how to help her..._

Kasumi looked at me as though she didn't know how to react, almost scared-like. That's when I knew that I was right. She was still scared of the water...yet why was she here if she wasn't mentally prepared?

"Kasumi...are you here to-"

Just as fate would have it, I was interrupted by sudden commotion coming from the pool. Someone fell in, and right after went two more. Apparently all of them were a part of Kasumi's team because she immediately excused herself and left me to myself.

"B-but, wait-"

She was already gone by the time I tried to stop her.

_God...why am I getting off track?...It's great to see her again..but after so long you'd think she doesn't want anything to do with me...I wouldn't blame her for that..._

_B-but! I can't get emotional! I'm supposed to be serious about this time trial, yet I'm about to lose my focus to something from the past. I gotta push it aside for now!_

Gou found me in the corner still standing alone. He punched my arm lightly and told me, "I thought you'd be here! Kiyoko-chan got a hold of me and spilled the beans."

"Kiyoko?!"

She approached us with a nervous smile, clearly owning up to her dirty little secret.

"You used my cell phone to call him, didn't you?" I accused her.

"I'm so sorry, senpai. Your phone was ringing when you left the dorm some time ago and-"

I raised my hand up to stop her.

"No need to worry about it now. But you should've found out that he's the worst-"

"Hey, Kiyoko-chan?" quipped Gou.

"Yes?"

"Can I take a picture of you right now?"

"I-Excuse me?"

"You see, I have this album of-"

"Don't act like this is your playground, you little rat!" I exclaimed with a punch to his head.

He stuck his tongue out at me while rubbing his head. I folded my arms and scolded, "Why are you here if you're not going to be serious? It's different when you're on school grounds. You represent your own school here and if anyone took your little habit as an attack-"

"Yeah, yeah," he boredly brushed aside, "I get the message."

"Then try to use it as a lesson, stupid!"

Gou pouted to himself as he stood by and watched the people in the pool. Knowing that conversation was over, I turned my attention to my dorm mate.

"Kiyoko, did you get the info that I asked for?"

"Uh-yes..According to Mikoshiba-kaichou, Matsuoka-senpai's time was thirty-nine se-"

"Matsuoka? You mean Rin?" interrupted Gou.

"I thought you left the conversation!" I hissed.

"C'mon, Nana-nee, don't be so cold like Ella-chan. I was only asking because he used to be friends with you when we were little..."

"You remember that?" I asked, letting some of my guard down.

"Y-yeah...I remember him coming to our house a few times wanting to see you."

My cheeks flared with heat. I didn't want to hear anything about Matsuoka as a kid at that point, or dare to think that he cared about me anymore...

But...him wanting to see me? I couldn't forget his smile that he wore every time he'd watch me run out of the door to play with him...

"Nanami-senpai?"

"Nothing!...It was nothing..."

I wanted to get in the pool and swim much more than think about that ass. And I especially didn't want to be seen blushing about it like a fantasized teenage girl.

Gou caught me by the arm before Kiyoko and I joined up with our own team.

"Hey," he asked me with a serious tone, "Is everything alright between you and Rin?"

"It's...complicated...I don't feel comfortable trying to explain it..."

"Hm...okay..."

Out of nowhere his lips curled into a coy cat-like grin spreading from cheek to cheek. That was his famous "teasing" grin that he wore a lot when he wanted to get on my nerve.

"Well, that's too bad..." he sighed. "I thought you two were still close since you were obviously smitten for each other!"

Thank God no one else was around to hear him, other than Kiyoko. For some weird reason he wanted to tease me in public of all places. But to my dismay, I reacted just how he wanted me to.

"I never once liked him! Keep your own disgusting thoughts to yourself!"

Ready to punch him again, I clenched my fist tight by my side. When I was about to strike, Kiyoko pointed to the pool and said, "Oh! It looks like the girls' team is going!"

Some of our team members stood on the diving boards waiting for the starting whistle to blow. At the far end was a smaller figure fixing her goggles into the right position, her big twin tails waving with every little movement.

_Why is she pushing herself so hard?! If she goes any farther, her body won't be able to handle the stress or anxiety...she could shut down in the water and drown..._

At the sound of the whistle all of the girls on the boards dove into the pool, including Kasumi.

"Misuzu-san!" exclaimed her team.

"Kasumi!" I called out.


	4. Tears and Raindrops

Chapter Four:

I sucked my breath back in my mouth the exact same time Kasumi splashed into the pool. There was a second where I was tempted to close my eyes, fearing the worst for her, but I chose not to. Rather than taking the easy way I slapped Gou upside his head in response to his mutter, "Good God, she suc-". No one needed to say it out loud. Everyone saw it. There wasn't a camera crew needing a commentator.

It put me on a defensive front to see her struggle. The girls in the corner who pointed and laughed quickly shut their mouths when they saw me standing to the side with a glare that was colder than frost bite. And if they found that hilarious then Rin would've been dying of laughter from his perfect view on the second floor. The asshole could be harsh, but if he dared make fun of her while I could see him from the poolside I wouldn't think twice about punching him in the nose.

_It's all my fault that she's afraid. I talked her into swimming that day. So why should she be shamed like this and not me?! _I screamed on the inside.

I knew it was too late to try to make things right by her, to ask for forgiveness. Even if I still felt guilty I didn't want to allow myself to be caught off guard at such a crucial time. After her lap I'd have to go next. I had to have full focus on beating Rin's record. But still I gave in little by little. When she screwed up the turn I flinched. She flipped over to take a breath that sounded raspy and I bit my lip. Each time she slipped and splashed...I kept thinking to myself, _It's my fault...It's all my fault..._I just thanked God that she made it to the end without quitting. She made it clear that she was swimming for a reason, that she signed up for the team and jumped into that pool on her own accord. I had a good guess as to what it was.

"Nanami-senpai, is that someone you know? That girl at the end over there?" Kiyoko asked me, nodding her head slightly in Kasumi's direction.

"You could say that..."

"I don't understand."

I shook my head. "Nevermind..."

Gou disappeared from my side sometime before Kasumi sat down with her group. In her lane the taller girl I saw at the entrance, sandy brown hair in a ponytail, grinned as she slipped on her goggles. Others from my team jumped in front of me to take the rest of the lanes. Some of them were the ones I caught laughing at Kasumi so it was to be expected that they were going to act catty. Even though I felt the need to snap at them I stood by patiently while waiting for the next turn.

Kasumi's teammate was exceptionally well. She made the best time of her stretch and gained all the attention of the room. I saw a lot of raw power in her strokes, but she was also weighed down by that strength when she dove. If she were able to hone that she'd make an expert at swimming. On the sideline I saw Kasumi pouting her lip. Her eyes were on her friend, and it was easy to tell that she was comparing herself to that girl. If only she could've seen that she had potential with just her hope.

After her friend the lanes were open. Kiyoko persuaded me out of the corner and to a diving board close to the right side of the poolroom. She took to one board, but mine was taken at the last second. The thief looked back at me while stretching the straps of her goggles above her head, scoffed through her nose, then faced the water; Kiyoko jumped at the sound of rubber straps slapping skin. She dipped her head in apology before turning away. Rolling my eyes, I gave up the urge to argue with my puffy teammate. _Not like I'm in a rush or anything..._I thought.

The silver lining to my patience was observing others. I was less of an anxious mess than before while memorizing the forms of some of my more experienced teammates diving into the pool. Training late the past few nights didn't teach me to posture myself like them when jumping off the board. Thank God I stayed behind. I would've looked like a whale belly-flopping into the water.

My chance to swim didn't come until after Kiyoko was finished. Even though there were only a few girls left to go she hurried me to the lane she used, handing me my goggles and blabbering about things like "remember to be relaxed" and "don't strain yourself after all that hard-core training".

"Kiyoko-chan, don't worry about me," I said impatiently. "Watch out! Your towel is falling off of you!"

She picked it up and laid it back on her shoulders. I made sure the goggles on my head were tight before bending down in diving form. Feet pointing forward, head low, stable breath, everything surrounding me seemed to slither to a stopping point. I closed my eyes to concentrate on what my goal was. _This is the moment. This is where I forget everything...everything but proving to Rin that I'm serious._

_Do as I would swimming in the sea water with the fish...I'm not going to let any panic take over..._

With one final breath everything surged forward.

A piercing noise filled my eardrums-the whistle. My body snapped into motion, pushing off the board from the balls of my feet and slipped into sharp cold waters. Somewhat different than the ocean, I didn't let it stop me from carrying on. One arm after the other, kick after kick, I made sure to move in solid, smooth, yet strong motions. _Keep calm. Relax. _Kiyoko was one hell of a teacher when it came to pounding information into someone's head. Relaxing my muscles gave me more energy to use while swimming. Tensing would burn more and tire me out. A part from that, I kept my eyes on the clear blue in front of me. The wall on the other side was my first obstacle. Anyone else swimming beside me disappeared from my view. _They aren't my concern. I only have one thing that I need to focus on._

Soon my arms and legs were moving on their own. All I needed to do was turn my head ever so often to catch my breath. The energy in my body started to burn after thrusting myself off of the wall, lactic acid rushing through nearly every muscle I was using. It came easy to me to ignore the pain. I just had to grit my teeth and keep my mind from thinking about it.

But I had no idea that there was a comeuppance for that.

Almost to the halfway point I thought I heard a voice call out to me. It seemed like nothing, but then it grew louder a second time. I blinked to make sure the fog in my vision wasn't something in my eye. Not even a second passed before I saw a flash of cherry red. _It was probably someone ahead of me. Their hair came loose from their cap. _Yet I had a hard time believing that when I fully knew why that specific color was familiar.

"Nanami..." it echoed in my head.

_No! No! It's not her! It's not Mom!_

I tried to ignore her soothing voice, the one that sang to me and read me bedtime stories in the night. I wanted to cry. I hadn't heard from her, seen her since that day.

Thinking about her sent me spiraling out of control. I was losing my grip in the race. There were others leaving me behind in a blockade of bubbles as I was trying to snap back into action. I couldn't let it get the best of me.

_Shut her out! Shut her out! _I told myself.

I pushed further as her voice faded away. Panic settled in my stomach and then dissolved. Getting back into the heat of the race I pulled into the group ready to finish. A clear view of the water ahead filled my periphery, my senses overwhelming me with every splash I made. My muscles were sore, but I wasn't in the mood to care.

The wall was closer. With one more lunge I reached out, grazing my fingertips to cold tile.

"Senpai!"

I ignored Kiyoko for a moment to check the clock after I resurfaced. It was still ticking under the same minute, but-

"Senpai, your time was really good! It was just over forty seconds."

"What?!"

Kiyoko jumped inside her skin at my sudden outburst. I didn't mean to scare her. My voice hit a certain pitch when she sent my heart in anxious fluttering like that.

"Please tell me you're joking..." I panted.

It was close to a plea. _It can't be true, can it? It didn't feel like forty seconds..._

"I-I mean, I counted with the timer. Forty-point-forty-two..."

Climbing out of the pool in a rush, I forgot about Kiyoko as I raced to my captain for answers. Chie-san was recording others' times on a clipboard when I approached her. After jotting something down she looked up and asked, "Time?"

"Is the clock over there set correctly? Because I don't think I swam for forty-"

"No, it's right. I personally checked myself this afternoon before this began.

"What was your time again, Mio-san?"

As pending doom trickled down my spine like ice cold water I repeated exactly what Kiyoko told me.

"Great! Oh, but don't take these times seriously. I'm just recording to see where to go with training for everyone."

"I-I understand..."

"Is everything alright, Mio-san?"

"I'm fine. Thank you...Just worn out, I guess..." I said breathlessly.

Truth be told I felt as though I could take on a panic attack at that given moment. Head buzzing with white noise, mouth dry, acid sitting in the back of my throat...I would've thrown up had it not been for Kiyoko to stop me in front of the locker room door.

"Did you hear what I said, senpai?"

"N-no...wha-what were you saying?"

"I asked if you are okay. Do you feel sick?"

"I'm okay. I just need to...change out of this...this thing."

She glued herself to my side wearing her worried face. I didn't need a reminder that I was panicking while trying to talk myself out of it. Instead of thinking about it altogether I wanted to understand why I was doing it in the first place.

_Rin really won't keep his promise, right? Our times were so close, too..._

But I had to face it. Even if I never thought of myself as needy, I couldn't help but feel that he would abandon me if he knew my time. He'd upset me in the past few days but I didn't want to let go.

I didn't want to forget Rin or Kasumi like I was my mother. The reason I was going to Samezuka was for Mom. How could I remember her any other way besides fulfilling her dream? I lost her notebook, the rest of her pictures I had of her...There wasn't even a trace of her things left at my old home when I moved out. Aunt Hiroki thought she'd donate "the junk" to different charity centers. Back then I was too numb to tell her "no", to keep her from getting rid of them.

_God...I'm really such a mess..._

It wasn't long before I changed out of my swimsuit and into my uniform. I didn't pay much attention to the last minute speech from Chie-san and Mikoshiba. The intense atmosphere from the back of the group was what caught my attention. Rin's eyes were fixated on me and I could tell just by turning my head slightly. I didn't need to guess what he was intending to do after the lecture was over.

He nodded his head at me towards the side once the group dissipated outside. Kiyoko left with Niitori, both staring at Rin and me with expressions that didn't help the situation. My heart was racing, pounding profusely. A cold sweat slid down my back. _Here goes something..._

Rin leaned against the wall of the natatorium, piercing red eyes following my every movement. Stopping a foot in front of him, I folded my arms and waited for him to make a move.

"Thirty-nine-nineteen."

"Excuse me?" _Crap, there was a hint of worry in my voice. Pull yourself together!_

"My time. It's thirty-nine-nineteen...What about you?"

_Should I lie? Would it be pathetic of me to lie?_

"It was...forty...forty...two..."

" 'Forty two' seconds? Are you kidding me?"

I frowned. "Forty-point-forty-two, smart ass."

The sound of blowing raspberries protruded from his mouth as he bent over slightly to laugh. I bit my lip to keep from cursing him. My heart wasn't beating in panic anymore. It was beating with adrenaline. With rage.

"And all this time I actually thought you could beat me. So close, too...  
"But I won. Next time I wouldn't strain myself to practice so much. You look tired."

White hot rage engulfed me in its flames. I was thinking I'd lose someone so precious to me with a few simple words, yet that person was long gone. In their place was a condescending bastard, a person I no longer recognized.

"You..." I growled, nails digging into my palms as I glowered at the ground.

"What?"

I never thought I had it in me to smack him across the face, but I wasn't in control of my body for that brief moment. One second I looked into his eyes, the next my hand was raised and there came a loud SMACK!. He looked pale, frozen like a lifeless fish. Then his hand covered his sweltering cheek and he glared at me with a look that could freeze the burning fires of hell. But I copied the same ferocity in his face on mine as I screamed everything that came to mind.

"You arrogant, self-centered, selfish asshole! I don't care if you hate the world or if you get your rocks off of tormenting people, but don't you ever dare make fun of me like that again! I tried so hard to understand you, but you push and push until I act like this to get your attention! It's not because I like getting under people's skin! It's because I cared! You were my friend! You were important to me. I cared!"

I found myself punching his chest for a little bit. Rin caught my fists before they reached his face. My breath was ragged and heavy as I noticed his hands holding mine steady in front of him, the one I stared at the same hand I put Band-Aids on as a kid.

The anger quelled some, but in its place was something I'd tried to hold back since I lost my mother's pictures. My mouth was still moving as I remembered her smile.

"You ruined my mother's notebook, called it trash...it was the last thing I had of hers...now you're just standing here, acting like it's nothing and insult me..."

The blank look on his face wasn't surprising. I blinked away the cloud of tears and ripped my hands out of his. No matter how warm they were, how rough, they'd never be the same as the smaller ones I used to hold before. He changed, I changed.

I was fine with letting go.

"It doesn't matter anymore..." I said while choking on a sob. "You get what you want. I won't bother you. You'll never hear from me again. I'm sorry for blowing up like that. I'd rather not cause any troubled waters between any classmates..."

Before I walked away, I turned to him and whispered, "Goodbye, Rin..."

That night I laid in bed staring at the wall for the longest time. I thought I had it in me to cry, but I decided that it would be wasted on him if so. Kiyoko was sound asleep, which was a relief after her squabblings when she and I went back to our dorm.

I told her I was fine, assumed I was, but then again...I couldn't tell...I felt...numb. I didn't have anymore tears to spare. So I shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next day Rin didn't show up for Chemistry class. Kiyoko heard from Niitori that evening that Rin hadn't left his room at all. He skipped classes, came in late for practice with a note to excuse himself, then left. He glanced in my direction before waltzing out the door like his usual self. But he wore a patch over his cheek that I smacked. I almost scoffed. _He deserved it..._

Rin was quiet in classes we shared after that day. To my misfortune we were partnered for more labs in Chemistry. It created a terrible silence between us and a hole in my grade. One lunch period my teacher came to me and asked that I have Rin try to participate or at least communicate to me than watch me work and pass me utensils. I bowed in apology to him, promising to do so the next time but had half a mind to ask for another partner. I kept it to myself. It would've been useless to bring the idea to light. My teacher wasn't a man for "weaseling out" of things, as he called it.

As for me...I was still sore. Seeing Rin now and then in between classes and in the lunch room wasn't as bad as...the incident. I kept my promise. When he was nearby I wouldn't look at him. When I was working with him in class I'd keep my mouth shut, given the circumstance. What I failed to understand was why he'd stare at me all the time. He had a certain look in his eye, like he were lost in frustrated thought, while he assumed that I wasn't paying him any attention. It urked me to suspect that he were bitter about me smacking him and he was trying to get back at me. But I wasn't going to do anything about it.

And that's what I told Niitori almost a week after Rin and I stopped talking.

I happened to be in my room when Kiyoko answered the door that Friday night after a series of rampant knocks rapped on the wood. Outside stood a dripping wet Niitori who bowed and asked to talk to me. Sitting up from my bed I said, "Come in."

My roommate offered him a towel. When he refused he bowed again and replied, "I'm sorry to interrupt you so late in the evening, but I needed to ask for help."

"Help with what?"

"It's...It's Rin-senpai."

I had no idea why or how, but if..._if Rin were involved..._

"What's wrong with Matsuoka-senpai, Niitori-kun?" Kiyoko prodded.

"Even though he insists that he's fine, Rin-senpai has been acting strange. He won't talk...he'll practice and jog for the club...it seems like that's all he's been doing lately. It's been since our first time trial that he became different. I don't think I can help him, but I want to ask you, Mio-senpai, if you can get though to him."

Both of my kouhai looked to me, hoping to give an answer. All I could think was, _You must be joking! _

"Niitori-san, I don't think he'd listen, even if I accepted."

"But you knew him before, didn't you?"

"How did you know that?"

"Matsuoka-senpai mentioned something to me the first day classes started. He said he hadn't seen you in a long time. That he thought you forgot about him 'on that day', but he was grumbling more than talking. I don't even think he knew I could hear him."

" 'That day'..."

_The day he left for Australia...but-_

"That wasn't my fault!"

I glanced over at the other two. With the way they were staring at me I realized that I hadn't kept that last part to myself.

"Is something wrong, senpai?" Kiyoko directed at me.

"I..."

_What was I going to say? I was still upset about before, and now...all this emotional weight...He couldn't seriously still be mad about that day..._

"Mio-sen-" Niitori tried to ask.

"Umm...sorry...I think I need to clear my head..."

"But it's pouring outside..."

That's what I imagined one of them would say if I were actually there. I left before they could protest. Whether there was rain or fire falling from the sky I'd still want to get out of the stuffy dorm room. I'd even take a jog if I remembered to put on my sneakers at the time. Instead I had my outdoor school loafers.

When Niitori came into my room soaking wet, I could've sworn that he had been running back and forth places before coming to the girls' dorms. In reality he left right away because the minute I stepped outside I was drenched in rain water. I could only go so far towards the trees in the yard before my hair clung to my skin, my forehead and in my eyes. It was pointless to go anywhere in that state when most of the buildings were closed off to students by the late afternoon and I didn't have any pocket change to buy something from the vending machines.

With a deep sigh I sat underneath a thick tree and watched the rainfall.

_It was raining the day Mom left...it was just as humid and hard..._

_"Mommy, do you have to go when it's still raining?" _

_"Don't worry. Momma will be back soon. But when I do I'll have plenty to show you. I promise to take pictures for you."_

_"Come back safe, Mommy."_

_"I always do." She kissed my forehead softly and then grabbed her usual gear. My father met her by the front door, saying something I couldn't quite catch. She nodded, pecked his lips, then waved goodbye to the both of us. Just like that. Gone._

_Rin held my hand at the funeral. His sister and him had lost their father in the same storm, and so their ceremonies were held together. For a while Gou was wailing in tears for his aunt, the one who'd bring home a trinket and a piece of candy for him after his own mother didn't approve, so Aunt Hiroki had to walk him down the hill. Kou, Rin's sister, or at least what I used to call her, went to talk to them, leaving me with Rin and a crowd of strangers. _

_I turned to Rin to see if he were going to cry like my cousin. There were a few tears streaming down his cheeks while he bit his lip to keep it together. I tugged his sleeve and asked, "Are you okay, Rii-kun?" _

_"I'm-I'm fine..."_

_He used his sleeve to wipe away any salty tears still rolling off of his face before turning to me._

_"What about you, Nana-chan?" _

_I told him the truth. "I feel...weird..."_

_"It's okay to cry."_

_"I don't think I can..."_

_Then I murmured, "It doesn't feel real..."_

_"What do you mean?" _

_"I think I feel numb...faint..."_

_Rin grabbed one of my hands._

_"Will you feel better if I held your hand like this?" _

_Tears blurred his image, and a sob escaped my throat, but I managed to tell him, "Uh-huh" before I sobbed uncontrollably in his arms._

I grimaced at the gray sky. It came back from so many years ago to taunt me at the worst time imaginable. All because of Rin...

_Why did I have to remember that? The funeral...I wanted to forget about those days. He's already moved on, and here I am still clinging to the past. Why can't I be normal and let it go? _

Waiting for the rain to stop was useless. I sat under the tree for a while, maybe twenty minutes or more with no sign of the weather clearing. It was freezing with the wind picking up and my clothes were soaked. At that point I had no other choice than to move, otherwise it was a guarantee that I'd catch cold.

I stepped out into the rain again, zipping straight for the dormitories. A foot away from the entrance I slipped on the pavement. Luckily I caught myself by the elbows before I'd cracked my head open, but my hands were another story. One palm grazed through a few pebbles, the other oozed blood from a deep slice to thin flesh. Someone must have dropped something that shattered there. I couldn't tell if it were glass in my hand from all of the red.

"Oww..." I groaned.

It hurt just to move my hand around. I was paralyzed with pain that had me clenching my jaw as the rain washed away the blood. So I stayed kneeling on the pavement until it ceased.

But it wouldn't.

I closed my eyes and told myself to get up. My body refused. It was so cold, so painful, so lonely...

My other hand came up to my cheek as I felt a warm raindrop trickle downward. There were more just the same, but I realized they were tears when one passed my lips. _Salty, _I thought. _But why am I crying? I can't...I don't have it in me..._

More of them clouded my eyes. I tried wiping them away with the one part of my sleeve that wasn't dripping wet, though I gave up after a few tries. _I'm miserable anyway. I might as well let myself cry while no one else is out here..._

There came noise like footsteps splashing into puddles. I turned around as far as I could to see if someone were there. Behind me stood a tall figure with a black and white swim club jacket, dark jogging pants and beat-up sneakers. I could faintly hear their tongue click, making a similar "tch" sound that someone familiar to me used to do.

Pushing myself to stand up I said, "I'll get out of your way..."

"What are you doing out here? It's pouring..."

Whirling around I found the person staring right back at me, but less surprised. His sharp, red eyes lowered to my bloody hand and my scraped knee. I pursed my lips, ready to storm off.

"Follow me..." Rin grumbled.

"No."

"You're bleeding."

"I know."

"Then why-"

"I'm not any of your business, remember?"

Rin growled under his breath, muttering something like "Suit yourself" before walking past me. I released a ragged breath after he was gone. With my screwed up knee I tried shuffling to the dorm entrance.

Then suddenly I felt his presence and his hood-less jacket hanging on my head. Rin stood quietly, hair dripping down his face, his neck, and the rest of his clothes sticking to his body.

Before letting me argue he commanded, "Just come with me."

Without another word he walked us back out into the rain. I wanted to shove him off, tell him to get lost, but once his arm was around my shoulder I forgot about all of my bitterness and regret towards him.


	5. Let's Call It a Draw

Chapter Five:

When we came to a halt outside his dorm I had finally collected my thoughts together to ask him why we weren't at the nurse's.

"She's not in her office, obviously. I checked there before bumping into you."

"R-right..."

His answer left me in a nervous jumble as we walked inside and up the stairs to his dorm room. There wasn't anyone around to gawk at me-at us, really, while we climbed the steps to his floor, however long and nerving the journey seemed to be. It felt like taboo to be in that building, especially when the possibility of a rumor spreading about the two of us was all too real. I wasn't threatened by others, but the last thing I needed was a teacher, or the principal for that matter to piggyback the notion that I was a miscreant. With all that worry gnawing at me I felt ready to snap at Rin with his footfall echoeing loudly in the stairway. His silence during all of it didn't help the situation, either. I was still bleeding and cold from the rain and there he was probably leading me into another trap to embarrass me.

When we came to a brief stop in front of his door, he finally spoke; I nearly jumped out of my skin. "My roommate's not here, so keep it down," he said quietly.

The faint urge to tell him about Niitori's whereabouts was quickly diminished by my nerves. I copied his nonchalant aura, but botched the expression. Everything inside screamed that I needed to run. I needed to dash out of there, lock myself in my room and never come out. I made a bet and lost the right to talk to Rin, yet I followed him to his room with no argument. Whatever was coming wasn't going to be good. And knowing that Rin was far from normal, I wasn't going to be taking any chances.

_Then why am I here? Why aren't I running?_

The most obvious answer to me was that I was still bleeding. Anyone inside the hallway could smell the tangy, metallic scent coming from my hand as blood pooled into my palm. It made me slightly ill to look at it, a little more anxious to get inside his room and to stay out of it simultaneously. He unlocked the door and held it open for me on the other side; I, stupidly, walked in without a second thought.

The first thing I noticed was how large the room seemed to be compared to Kiyoko's and mine. Niitori and Rin took good care of their things: their bunk beds were neatly made, closet door shut from prying eyes like mine, and the floors nearly shined brownish yellow with the lamplight above us. I could've groaned in disgust at the sight. It reminded me of how much Kiyoko and I sometimes ignored our chores until I'd give in to clean it all up. I couldn't stand for him to make me look like a slob, either. So when I turned and spotted the boys' shared desk with papers and textbooks sloppily piled on top of it a wave of relief passed over me.

"You can take the bunk bed," he said while moving the desk chair in front of it.

Rin left the room for the moment with the door wide open, then came back with wet paper towels. He ordered me to press them down on the wound while he opened a large first aid kit from out under his bunk bed. I studied his every movement, waiting for some sign of his real intention: a flicker in his eyes, a twitch in his muscles, something, anything. Anything to answer the question to his odd behavior. Why he would insist on helping me when he made himself clear a week before. While he fussed and prodded at me, wrapped gauze and bandages around the wound (thankfully that wasn't embedded with glass), I dared come to the conclusion that it was to mock me. That he wanted to make fun of my determination earlier by acting out to bring my hopes up, crush them, and shove my feelings back in my face by saying that he wasn't going to respect our agreement. It was plausible. The new Rin had a bigger ego and pride that could fill an entire ocean.

"You're despicable," I whispered as he finished the gauze.

"Huh?"

"You brought me here to make fun of me, didn't you?"

I seethed with rage at him, burning a steely-eyed glare into him as he sat back from me.

"This isn't about ear-"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Of course it is! You're just so-so-"

"What?" he dared.

"Idiot! You jerk! That's what you are!"

"Am I, now?"

A cold sweat ran down my back when he gave me an unexpected look. Then suddenly...he burst out laughing. A satiny guffaw that froze me, seeming to stop time all around us. It was upbeat, filled with light-heartedness; something I thought he couldn't feel. Something that I had then drained of as he continued.

"See? You are making fun of me."

I stood to leave. My hand wrappings unraveled by the sudden movement, but I didn't care. I wanted out of the room immediately before he could see my shame reddening my cheeks. But Rin wasn't finished with me. Before I'd made it halfway to the door he grabbed hold of my arm and spun me around to face him. I stifled a gasp.

"At least let me help you, Mio," Rin said in a hushed tone.

"Why? You don't owe me anything."

"I..."

He growled under his breath. Grasping my arm tighter he sat me back down at the desk chair and fussed with the gauze. I watched him work again with it, this time with his brows creased in frustration. I found it somewhat amusing that he mumbled as he worked, how his lips pursed in thought and the longest part of his bangs brushed into his eyes. It caught me off guard for the moment until he looked up at me when he finished, catching me staring at him like a firefly mesmerized by a light. He furrowed a brow. I stood my ground and asked in a more serious tone, "Why did you bring me here, Matsuoka?"

With a huff he rose to grab something from his shared desk. I waited, peering around him to catch a glimpse of what he was shuffling papers around for. In a three ringed binder he pulled out a single scrap of paper, a small block of something colorful and film-like. Rin turned to me, eyes boring into me with some mysterious hint of light to them. His expression was listless, unreadable as he walked towards me. I braced myself for anything. I didn't know what to anticipate. It could've been anything like a letter, a missing sheet of my class notes, a picture-

Rin bent down to face me, pressing the scrap paper into my good hand saying, "Here. This is it."

I looked to him then the paper. The front of it was partly glossy, like a photo, only it had ring marks and water damage that blotched the image. Even with its picture distorted I could make out three people: my missing father, a six-year old me, and my mother.

"How...? How did you find it?" I whispered.

"That day at the beach. It was still by the shore after you left."

"But...but why would you save it? Why are you giving it back to me?"

It made no sense. He made it all clear a week before that he wanted nothing to do with me. Then he suddenly comes out being helpful and returns one of the few precious pieces of my past I'd thought had been destroyed? I wanted answers. I wanted an explanation from him.

"What are you here for?" he simply asked.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You're here for your mother, aren't you?"

I drew back. I had no idea he'd already caught on to me. Smirking, he scoffed, "That's what I thought. I had a feeling you came to this school for that. I just didn't see it until I saw your mother's notebook that day."

"So what?"

"'So what' is that...I've already figured you out."

"You did?" I scoffed back at him.

"Yeah." He smiled confidently at me, coming off as twice the amount of cocky as he usual was. I folded my arms, tempted to hear from him where the conversation was going. "Please, do go on," I replied in a mock tone.

"You're not going to get any better at swimming."

"And where do you make that assumption?"

"From how you slow down during club practice in the water."

I frowned. He noticed me during the trial the other day. He must've been watching from a distance I couldn't have seen. I had to get him off the topic before he could catch on.

"So what if I'm slow during a race? It's not like I'd been swimming competitively like you all these years."

"All I'm saying is if you really wanted to beat me that day, you should've already known what you wanted."

"I don't understand."

"What is your goal? Do you really want to race against people like me in the pool or do you want to do something else? Because you can't have the best of both worlds."

"Why should it matter to you?"

"Because I refuse to compete with somebody who isn't up to par."

_There! Right there! _I first saw it in his eyes. The hurt and anger that flickered to life in those two red pupils. The flinch in the corner of his lips. That's where I first saw the sign of his real self. And yet...I didn't like it. I thought I'd feel that bit of satisfaction I always did when I discovered something, but finding Rin's spark didn't make me feel great whatsoever. It made me feel...empty. Disappointed. Sad...

"Ma-..Rin...? What happened the day you left for Australia?"

"Does it really matter what-hey! What're you getting so upset for?!"

"What are you talking ab-"

My hand slid up to my cheeks to brush a lock of hair away, but instead rubbed against another set of tears running down to my chin. Stunned, I looked to Rin. He grabbed a spare towel from a dresser and threw it at me, landing directly on my face. I ripped it off and swiped my hand out to try and smack him, but he easily caught me by the wrist.

"It was something in my eye," I lied. "Like I could get emotional around an insensitive jerk like you."

"You sure about that?"

He let go of my wrist with an amused look etching across his face. I bit my lip, keeping any other comment to myself as I rubbed the towel to my eyes. I heard him sigh to himself before there came the awkward silence between us. I especially hated that moment of bitter atmosphere. After all that time of trying to figure out Rin, the cost was too great and my payout too little. It was like a grain of sand in a wide open desert. It was next to nothing. And then I let my emotions get the best of me as I faced my rival, my old friend, after an even greater silence. I had to admit defeat on this one. He was right: What did I want to do?

Something inside me flipped on. I remembered my determination to study marine biology when I took the Samezuka entrance exams, and then that mysterious gut feeling when I impulsively signed up for the swim club. On one hand I wanted to take up my mother's legacy, and in the other I wanted something different. Something that could benefit me, make me feel free. Both choices were as great an interest to me, so why couldn't I choice both? On the logical side, Rin was right. My will and focus had been weak since I chose to do both, but since I realized my flaw I could simply correct it.

What did I want to do? I wanted to prove Rin wrong. I was going to chose both my options.

"C'mon, I'll take you back to your dorm." Rin waved his hand at me as he stood up, and I silently followed him outside.

We didn't speak a word until we arrived at the girls' dorm entrance. In all that time I snuck looks at him to see what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Of course, since I discovered that he had put his guard up it was difficult again to read his expression. He stared straight ahead with his hands in his pockets, biting his lip ever so often. It reminded me of us walking down the streets years ago, making me giggle all of a sudden.

"What's so funny?" Rin asked as he stopped under the entrance veranda.

I stopped next to him and answered, "I think...You."

"Huh?"

I faced him directly. "You think you might have me figured out, but I know just as much about you, Rii-kun."

"Oi, don't use that stupid nickname in public, idiot!" he snapped.

"See? I do have you figured out."

He clicked his tongue before departing. I watched him jog back, and suddenly called out his name. Rin turned around, and so I dared to shout back, "Thank you!"

All I caught was a glimpse of red cheeks being quickly smothered by his hand before he shook his head at me. For once, I actually smiled at him in return.

* * *

By Saturday evening I was exhausted. Being a half-day, the coaches had started off our real practices with a bang. Almost literally. By Mikoshiba's upbeat behavior I wouldn't have put it past him to bring in a starter pistol to use as "inspiration" for the boys, but having Chie-kaichou around was a God send. He had to suffice with just a whistle for the time being.

While he was drilling the boys in the pool our coach had us doing stretches and running outside, then switched us out after two hours. During the switch over I saw Rin give me a curt nod, to which I returned with a small, determined smile. All through our practice aerobics and training Kiyoko berated me with a serious of questions of what was said the last evening. All I could say to her was that we had come to a truce, but even that didn't sound right. I myself didn't know how to explain what happened between us, but I did know that it was for the better. We were able to communicate properly in our classes together so I didn't have any complaints. That and I had a more clear goal in mind that didn't involve pushing his buttons. It was a win-win. Or so I thought.

Later, when everybody had gone back to their dorms, I asked the coaches for permission to work on my diving skills in the pool. They agreed and warned me to be back by nightfall in my dorm, leaving me to run back for my swim suit. With Kiyoko following after me I pushed open the entrance, only to find Niitori timing Rin on his strokes by the pool. I didn't mind sharing the pool with him, but when I got to the locker rooms and unlocked the one I stored my suit in I was ready to scream.

"Oh no, senpai! What happened to your-"

"Matsuoka!"

I stomped out of the locker room clutching my swim suit and into the pool room. Rin was holding onto the edge of the pool talking to Niitori when I halted in front of them.

"Very funny, the both of you, but I don't find it amusing."

"What are you talking about?" Rin asked.

"Oh, you don't know," I hissed. "Well, let's take a look, shall we?"

I unfolded the one piece suit and held it out on display for the two. All down the middle bore cuts like a four-year old took a pair of scissors to it. The straps were ripped to shreds, the stomach shredded like cheese. Whoever thought it was funny to vandalize my things would have had to answer to my fist. But no one owned up to it.

"That doesn't look so good," said Niitori.

"Looks like someone needs a new suit," replied Rin.

I threw the damp suit at his head, sending him backward into the water. He rose up and threw it back at my feet snapping, "What the hell?"

"You're buying me a new suit!" I demanded.

"Since how did you come up with that kind of idea?"

"Since you clearly saw who came in and out of this room!"

"Senpai, I don't think it's possible for anyone here to have done that," added Kiyoko.

"Well, I certainly didn't do it. The only way for someone to have ruined this was to sneak in here behind this meat-head's back and know my locker combo."

"Yeah, and how do you expect me to have done all that? I wasn't changing with you and the girls when you used the locker room," said Rin.

I furrowed my lips. "Fine...but at least take me to the store tomorrow."

"Didn't you hear the captains earlier? The boys are going out first."

"Then you have to get me permission to go with you all!"

"What makes you think I'd do that after you accused me of something I didn't do?"

By that point both of us were in the other's face. I took a short breath before I said to him, "I can either ask nicely...or I tell Mikoshiba-kaichou of that one day you and I went searching for frogs."

"Really? You'd stoop that low?"

"Yep...What's it gonna be?"

* * *

"I can't believe you got away with this," groaned Rin as the bus took off down the street. I sat by the window with Rin on my right listening to the bus fill with chatter coming from the other taken seats. I turned back to Rin, suppressing the urge to roll my eyes, and replied, "I wouldn't call it 'getting away with it'. All you had to do was go up with me to Mikoshiba and Chie-kaichou and act as a witness to what happened. They understood and bam!-here I am."

"Yes, but that doesn't stop you from acting like a little kid and getting everything you want."

"What? I wasn't going to wait another day or two for the girls to go. We still have practice going on and I'm not in the mood to sit out and watch others swim."

"So you chose to swim, huh?"

I paused. I didn't think he would remember our conversation from earlier, but it wasn't as though he would've forgotten so easily. He was serious about competing, and something told me it involved his old friends. Concerning that, I wasn't sure if I should've come out with my answer or not. Rin had his mind set on beating his friends, not childishly battling with me. If he knew my intentions he would've scolded me, or shun me.

_Either way, it's not as if he has to know. I don't have to tell him, _is what I thought before answering, "Ah, well, who can tell?"

"That's not an answer-"

"Everyone! We're here!" bellowed Mikoshiba-kaichou from the front. The bus came to a full stop in two parking spaces on the opposite side of the lot. In single file the boys shuffled out until it emptied unto Rin's and my seat. He stood and leaned into his seat, waving his hand at me to go first. I gave him a smug look as I shimmied past him, telling him, "Acting the gentleman now, Rii-ku-eep!"

Before I could step into the lane Rin moved out and shoved me with him up the lane. I opened my mouth to protest, but the sensation of his hand on the center of my back glued my tongue in place. I should've been used to his rough behavior by then, but his persistence still flabbergasted me. The only thing I could do was wipe away any expression on my face so that he couldn't see it got to me. He didn't say anything, even after we were briefed by the captains and split up randomly in the store. Not that I minded; I found it refreshing to be on my own and wandering through racks and shelves of swimsuits. I had no idea there was such a store as wide and open-spaced as this, especially one that carried nearly everything related to swimming. Apparel, goggles, towels, equipment, all in categorized sections and according to sex and size. The color scheme for most suits were black, which didn't help the mood, but the discount rack sitting in the corner housing the weirdest selection of the rainbow made up for that.

Within a half hour or so I'd found a handful of different swimsuits better than the ugly eggshell blue one I had before. Looking through all of the new women's suits made me picky of the colors, but apparently not on the actual design when Chie-kaichou wandered into the same aisle and saw my bundle.

"Uh, Mio-san, I'm not sure that the code on swimsuit attire allows this," she said while picking up an emerald green suit that looked more like a ball of strings in between her thumb and forefinger.

"Oh, I'm sorry...don't know what I was thinking when I found that one."

"Could it be that you found a good-looking boy? I did see that Matsuoka-san was glancing your way," she teased.

She nods to my left, and I find Rin at the far end of the room coolly looking away and striding off to a dressing room. I turn back and sigh, confessing to my team captain, "To be honest,...I don't even know what to think of him, or what makes him so irritating in the first place."

"Boys can be funny like that. Take Mikoshiba-kun for example: He and I butted heads when we were kids, but now both of us have learned to get along. I feel the same way you do with Matsuoka about Mikoshiba, from time to time."

"I...I'm surprised to hear you admit that."

"What? That I didn't get along with someone? Trust me when I say that not all people are perfect at first glance. It takes time to truly understand and connect with them, if they're worth the effort. And with Miko-ku-um, Mikoshiba, I wouldn't be here today."

Without letting me speak, Chie-san nodded her head towards an empty dressing booth. She closed the curtain behind me and tossed a random suit from my bundle through the crack above the door. I wanted to protest, but she called out, "Try that one on. We only have another hour before the bus arrives," shutting me down right off the bat. I started stripping down and yanked the suit off its hanger in a rush, pulling back the curtain in under a minute to reveal my appearance to Chie-san. She nodded in approval and said, "Very nice. Snug, befitting, great color, and allowed by the district competition guidelines."

By her insistence I stepped in front of the mirror in between the two dressing booths. I am impressed by the tankini style and how the color of pink threads through the black suit outlined my hips and underlining my breasts, coming to form the straps of the top. The underwear piece had two sakura-colored lines on the waistband of my legs, although I didn't like how my legs looked even paler than usual. On top of that my team captain pulled a swim cap to match off a shelf, excusing it as "a necessity for my long hair during practice". I wasn't about to protest since I needed a cap, but I stood just a little longer in front of the mirror thinking about the club. Earlier when I told Rin a half-truth, I didn't think I'd get so serious about something that others in the club nearly worshiped at school. And there I was buying a new swimsuit, one that was more fitting for a competition in the future. Competing...in a race with others. I wanted to race Rin again, that I knew for sure. But...others...

I shook my head at my reflection. Even if I were to face other people from different schools, maybe even...Kasumi-

I blinked into in the mirror. A blue head peeked out from behind a shelf of swimsuits one lane down behind me, and then a tiny body with others beside her headed towards me. Her familiar laughter rung out, making me panic. I shuffled back into the changing booth and threw on my clothes, my new suit and cap on top of my bag as I raced out and around the corner.

It was definitely her and her team. I recognized the loud blonde and the brown-haired captain, the teal haired girl who fell in the pool shyly nodding her head in agreement to their conversation, and-

_Oh, you're kidding me!_

My cousin suddenly jumped about throwing swimsuits at the girls...No...I heard him brag about their designs and good looks as some of them came out of the dressing booths displaying the attire. My jaw dropped at their reactions. All of the girls liked it. They smiled and turned in the mirror's way, admiring how they looked. If it were me I would've snapped at him...but, I found myself feeling a little bit proud seeing him act more mature than he usually wasn't and not foaming at the mouth near girls in general. I also realized an aching feeling in my chest when I watched all of them talk and laugh with each other. I just couldn't understand why it hurt to see them bond, until I saw Kasumi laugh. Then I recognized that ugly, bitter feeling. It was jealousy. I wanted to be a part of that group of friends, to laugh with them like we all got along well, mixed with sadness because Gou never told me about his eye for fashion. All of that...

But it wasn't going to happen. Kasumi's and my paths were split years ago, and it wouldn't be right to intrude on her life now. Not after I abandoned her so long ago.

After I turned away I sucked back a gasp. Chie-san stood next to me as silent as a shadow with her arms crossed.

"Don't you want to go up and say 'hi'? We have a couple minutes left."

"N-no, no, that's okay!" I answered nervously.

"I saw the look on her face the other day. You should talk to her."

I looked up at my team captain. The gleam in her eyes encouraged me to walk back and talk, but I was more concerned about what Chie-san actually said.

"You saw me the other day?"

"I do need to keep a look out on my team members."

"Well, I don't mean to be rude, but I'd like to keep my private business to myself."

The captain stared at me for a moment before nodding her head softly. I wasn't one for snapping at people but the last thing I needed was to admit something personal to just an upperclassman. Captain or no captain, I'd rather be private than open like others.

She and I parted ways after I followed her to the registers. With a new suit, cap, key lock (now that I needed a better security system for my locker), and goggles I felt a little more comfortable for practices. Although, I didn't like blowing all of my allowance...

With a few minutes to spare I wandered about the store out of curiosity. Most of the guys had disappeared into the corners of the boys' section, some I saw outside near the vending machines, and two familiar heads behind a rack walking towards an exit. At first I thought nothing of it, but when I remembered the last time Rin talked about his old friends and where he was during the last school match my legs ended up taking me outside and behind a parked car. I cursed myself as I watched Rin confront his friend he called 'Haru'.

Haru started walking away when I ducked behind the car, so I thought I could walk away without getting involved. But then Rin Rin backed Haru inot the wire fence and pinned him in between his arms.

_What the hell? Is he going to start a fight?_

Rin growled at him that he'd make his friend swim for him again, which didn't make any sense to me at the time. Haru gave a cocky smirk and told him as he took one of Rin's wrists off him, "If you lose, you're not saying you're going to quit. Don't embarrass yourself. Don't cry if you lose."

I nearly gave myself away; I had to smother my laughter crawling up my throat at Haru's comeback. It was no wonder how they used to be friends. Those two were always getting competitive when it came to-

So that was it. Rin wanted to race Haru again. Even though Rin disappeared all those years ago to go to Australia, something must've happened to those two that made them so bitter as they were talking to each other. Knowing the old Rin, they probably lost contact with each other . _But Rin was never touchy-feely like that..._

Rin started back-tracking towards the bus as it pulled up-towards me. I crawled around the car as he made his way up, making sure my footfall wasn't audible. I sighed aloud after he was gone, looking back at where the two were standing before. Haru, of course, wasn't there, but I felt kind of relieved. They talked even after all this time. I was a long way from finding out what happened to them, but I felt closer to Rin after hearing that conversation.

But I had to avoid sneaking around first...Maybe even...around Kasumi?

_No, I'm not like those boys. I hurt Kasumi's feelings once, and that's all it took for a friendship like ours was to crumble..._

I waited a few minutes before deeming it safe to get on the bus. Our last seat was taken by two of Rin's teammates, which left me to fend for myself as the bus doors were closing. I couldn't even see an empty seat, and some of the guys were starting to watch. I rolled my eyes and waded towards the back. There were bound to be some seat available, or so I thought. It was no good. Everything was taken. Two boys looking at me smiled, and one told me in a quiet voice, "If you can't find a seat you can sit on my lap."

"You'd think that would satisf-hey!"

A hand on my right arm shoved me into a seat on my left. I fell back into it, finding Rin with his chest puffing out towards the other boys. They gawked at him for a moment, then the nasty one said, "It was just a joke."

Rin sneered, sharp teeth glinting. They turned away, then Rin flopped down next to me with a low grunt.

"I could've handled it on my own, y'know?" I snapped.

"Against those guys? Yeah, right. You stand no chance," he said.

"Then why should it concern you?"

"I thought you relied on me to protect you, or something like that. Remember? It was the reason you had me move out of the window seat."

I turned away so he couldn't see my blushing face. "Th-that wasn't-I didn't mean anything by that."

Peeking over my shoulder, I found him covering his mouth with his hand and facing the other way.

"Then d-don't say things like that!" he stuttered.

"I didn't think you would react like this."

"Me?! What about you?"

"I'm per-perfectly fine."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes!" I said as I turned back to face him.

His scoff slowly formed into a chuckle when he looked at me. I tried to keep a straight face, but I felt my cheeks burn even more in embarrassment. "It-It's not funny, idiot!" I said, blinking back humiliated tears while a giggle bubbled in my chest.

"Idiot, it is funny!" Your face-!" he laughed.

"Oh, shut it! Your face is worse!" I laughed, too.

I tried holding my breath just to keep from making a scene, but I didn't need to do anything when I sat next to Rin, watching him chuckle. That second laugh I heard from him in the same week was different, odd, but I felt my breath catch in my chest nonetheless. It was almost...kind of...attractive...

"How come it's so hard to understand you?" I blurted out.

"Huh? Where'd that come from?"

"I-I...don't know. But your laugh was..."

"What about my laugh?"

"Weird..."

"Hey, y'know that's rude," he scolded.

"But not weird at the same time?"

"Huh?"

His dumbfounded look cracked me up. I giggled like a schoolgirl right there in front of him, and for once, I didn't care about how I acted. Rin stared at me, then rebounded, telling me, "Would you stop acting like a girl?"

I rolled my eyes at him and leaned my elbow against the window, answering, "I am a girl, stu~pid~."

"But you never acted like one."

"Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I-"

Rin clicked his tongue when he couldn't finish his sentence. I smiled at him.

"Does this make us even?"

"How?"

"We are mysteries to each other."

"You have a weird sense of logic, Nanami."

I was still smiling as I closed my eyes, scolding him, "You should use the suffix or people will talk, Rii-kun~".

* * *

_Rin's view:_

_"You should use the suffix or people will talk, Rii-kun~"._

_That girl...I turned to her, ready to put her in her place, but when I saw her everything halted to a stop. A smile was still tugging at the corners of her lips as her eyes stayed closed, and the bangs refusing to stay in her ponytail fell over to touch her lashes. She leaned against the window to cushion her head, not even bothered by the shaking of the bus on the back roads. The sun illuminated her in a halo of light, and I couldn't help but fall prey to it. Maybe it was the odd bliss of sleep or her relaxed features that added a sort of glow to her, but I found myself unable to look away. For once, I was glad that she wasn't snapping back at me or prying into my business. _

_But, that moment felt even more uncomfortable for me than when she was awake and bugging me. _

_My traitorous hand reached out to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, making me catch my breath when I actually touched it. She shouldn't have made me feel that way when I touched her. It was just her hair. My heart was pounding as fast as it would during a race and I couldn't even breathe properly. Surely, it was some kind of trick. It had to be when it came to her. I subconsciously prepared myself for another one as I drew back my hand._

_Out of nowhere the damn bus jerked, sending her towards me. My arms opened to catch her, and instead she slammed right into my chest. If touching her hair was bad enough I was on the verge of dying with her like that. The guys would talk, and I'd never hear the end of it from Mikoshiba if he heard that I was "getting frisky" with a girl on the other team. Quickly, I shoved her back into sitting position before anyone could see us. She stayed still for a moment, and I thought that'd be good enough, but then the bus jerked again. Nanami leaned into my shoulder, not even aware of all of it going on around her. I cursed both her and the bus driver in my head as I sat back into my seat. _

_I didn't want to bother moving her again. God or whoever upstairs was probably telling me to drop it, so I let her continue to nap against me, even though I was dying under her touch. It was like I was suddenly aware of every part of her head that was on my arm, how her chest moved with her quiet breath, when she stirred in her sleep. My heart insisted on rapidly beating, and my face flushed hard with heat when I watched over her, so I tossed my head back and leaned up against the stone hard cushion of the seat. _

_Whatever that girl was doing to me...I wasn't sure if I was crazy for liking it..._


	6. Swimming with a Shark

Chapter Six:

Something felt different about the week following our trip to the store. Rin acted different, put a distance between us that could've been tangible. He'd nod to me every once in a while, or spare me a brief glance when I'd be in the natatorium at the same time. I wanted to ask what the matter was, but there were other things getting in the way.

With my new lock there were no more vandals, but ever so often I'd get anonymous notes tucked into my locker telling me to "back off", in bolded black marker. Then, to my utter disappointment, I found my grades slipping up in all but one class. I spent countless nights trying to stay up late studying, but when I tried hard to amend that, I found myself behind the others in swim practice after school. By that Saturday I struggled to stay awake during the team announcements.

It was the girls' turn to use the lockers; I was talking with Kiyoko when she paused, turning pale at something ahead of us. I turned, finding my usual locker graffitied with red kanji telling me the same thing the notes did: "Back off". The other girls getting out of their uniforms nervously glanced at me as I opened the empty locker like there wasn't something threatening on the door. More notes awaited me inside. Impatiently, I grabbed a handful and shoved them into the garbage bin at the end of the aisle. My roommate watched in horror, unable to say anything until I placed my bag in the locker and got to undressing.

"Senpai?" she whimpered.

"I'm fine," I lied.

I took off each article of clothing with a heavy weight of dread on my chest. I wasn't supposed to show any sign of surprise at the new development of threats, but I couldn't help feeling anxious, couldn't stop the questions wrapping around my head: _Why are they doing this? I thought this was some kind of prank? What do they want from me?_ They weren't willing to make themselves known, at least not then, which gave me some time to prepare for anything worse, but it was a gamble of time for when they would pounce. If so, was I to worry? Maybe it was somebody with an odd sense of humor. I had more important things like practicing my turn, and obviously, how to clean the mess they made. That meant I'd have to clean up secretly without alarming the captains. The last thing I needed was to have the captains on my back about finding and confronting the shadow figure.

"Senpai? Do you want me to go on ahead?" asked Kiyoko as she closed her locker door.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me. I'll just be another minute."

She nodded solemnly before heading out with the rest of the group. I gave a faint smile and hooked the lock on my defiled locker, hoping to get the day over with as soon as possible.

* * *

"Mio-san, can I speak to you in private?" Chie-san asked after practice.

I followed her to the corner of the pool room as the others changed in the lockers. Chie-san turned to me with a sad smile and said, "How's swimming going?"

"Umm, it's...okay," I started reluctantly. It had been a while since we'd said something after the upsetting conversation we had in the store. "Is there something wrong?"

"That I can't be certain of yet. I noticed that your times are slipping during our mock trials...?"

"Oh, that, uh..."

"You remember the announcement we gave earlier about our trip? If you are keen on going, then I'd suggest staying after some more. Your turn is the particular point I see you faltering in...besides other things..."

"O-okay..."

Leaning against the wall, I watched as she nodded and left me to process my situation. Of course I'd faltered with the turn. I was never good at flips and somersaults, much less in the water. It came so easily to the others, even Kiyoko, but I hadn't even improved since the last week. But I knew I sucked. That's what I was trying to work on, anyway.

She also mentioned something else. "Besides other things...". I hoped she wasn't catching on to "that other thing". I was trying not to think of my mother when I was swimming, but nearly every time she slipped into my thoughts as I swam. Whether it was really her or just my imagination, the distraction was making me waste precious seconds of my record time attempting to reach back for her.

I was lucky to be spared slipping back into my swimsuit, and that my locker stayed unmarked after I checked up on my schoolbag. Kiyoko left me to my own devices, albeit unwillingly. The evening was going to be long, and I didn't need to make a fool of myself in front of her. Before the captains left I asked for the key, but Chie-san said I wouldn't need it. Confused, I waited for the last person to leave before stepping onto a diving board in the far left corner.

I bent over in the regular diving position: one foot forward, strongest leg back, toes and fingers curled under the charcoal-colored board, everything I'd read in the library to do and picked up on during practice. With the sun on my backside and the pool room silent I waited for the right moment. Moving my head down, I bent at the knees to push off. One heartbeat, two, thr-

"Keep your toes forward," said someone behind me.

I jerked on the diving board so suddenly that I rolled right off and into the water. When my feet finally touched tile at the bottom I pushed off, bursting up to the surface ready to curse out the intruder. Instead I had to suppress the urge to roll my eyes.

"Why is it always you at just the wrong time?" I groaned as I climbed out of the pool.

"Not my fault that you suck," chuckled Rin.

With a scowl I punched his shoulder. He bared a scowl before it formed into a daring, devilish grin that irritated me, made me blush in humility. I turned away quickly to my earlier business. He moved to the center board and said, "So you're staying after too?"

"For a while,...yeah. What about you?"

He shrugged. "Dunno, maybe a few hours...However long I feel like..."

_Way to be specific, _I thought sarcastically.

"Fine. Then you're locking up," I said.

"I already have the key, so what difference does it make?"

"Why should I care?"

Rin rolled his eyes. I stuck my tongue out at him and quickly dove off the board. The afternoon sun's kiss on my back washed away into the lukewarm water as I became submerged in crystalline water. I swam like usual to the other end, freestyle, as the captains suggested for a beginner like me, seeing the wall as I turned to catch a breath. I just had to curl under myself right before the wall.

_I can do this! _I thought.

The back of my knees slammed the wall as I attempted the flip. I groaned to myself then tried to push off from my lower side, but my calves screamed out in pain. By some odd whim of his Rin swam up to me and tugged at my arms, pulling my body up and onto my feet. I turned to face him, ringing out my ponytail as I said, "I can manage on my own, thank you."

"Two beats," he said.

"What?"

"How long you wait until you flip. About two to three beats."

"You were watching me?"

"I can't help noticing you flopping over the side like a drunken fish."

"Something tells me that I'd beat you in a race if I fixed that habit," I teased to make him back off. No such luck.

"You're not even in the same league as me. Don't waste your breath," he snapped.

Rin started back to the other side of the pool, but I cut him off, wading around him and standing my ground.

"Why do you think that? Am I not as capable of doing the same thing you can?"

"For starters, you don't even know what type of stroke you swim."

"Of course I do!"

"What is it? Breast?"

"No."

"Back?"

"A little bit."

"Are you kidding me?"

"What? I can do any stroke that comes to mind...except the breast stroke..."

"Look, I'm not saying you can't do all of them, but don't you remember what the captains told us about the summer competition?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So, you should be focusing on one stroke so that you don't strain yourself during the race."

"But I'm working on my turn first."

He chuckled in disbelief. "Fine...If that's what you think will help, go on ahead and drive yourself nuts."

"Whatever, stupid!"

Stomping back to my diving board I tried going about my practicing for the next hour, trying to avoid talking to that crazy, bull-headed moron. Only twice did I ever successfully make the turn, but by the late afternoon my legs and sides hurt the worst than all of my limbs and muscles, my ears echoing with water trapped inside. I leaned over to knock it out for a minute's break, catching Rin swimming to the end of the pool like a predator on the hunt. He swung his arm out-a perfect freestyle form-from under the water, turning his head in my direction to take a breath. He didn't look at me, that I could tell by the way his eyes were still concentrated on something else in the distance. Even though I wanted to get back on my task I felt drawn to him and his burning, passionate stare. Rin made it to the bend, and my chest ached with so much bitter jealousy when he twisted under himself and pushed off the wall as easily as breathing. Less than twenty seconds later he was back at the starting point catching his breath.

Then he caught me staring at him.

"What?"

"What?" I repeated in the same aggressive tone.

Rin gave a pouted, sideways frown, blinking dubiously at me before lifting himself out of the pool. I swam back to the boards and tried diving again. I swam, counting down until I'd flip over, waited patiently like all of the earlier times-one beat, two beat!-and then tucked under. My feet grazed the wall but I was able to push off. It was a better attempt, but the expression Rin gave told a different story.

"If you're going to laugh you might as well get it out of your system now," I huffed under my diving board.

"You can't seriously believe that you're doing it right," he snapped as I climbed out.

I stopped to look at him, caught in his piercing red gaze like I was on trial.

"I'm doing what I can."

"And half-assed, that I know."

"Well, ugh-damnit! What the hell would you have me do, Rin?!" I growled.

"Something not stupid, like, picking the right stroke to swim."

"I told you I'm fine with any, and I don't need to when I just have to im-"

"For once, just shut up and take my advice. It'll make it a lot easier for you to know which path you're taking instead of how long before you reach a destination."

"What does that mean-"

"Get in the water before I throw you in."

I cursed him in my head and turned to the pool. The rippling water beckoned me closer, wanting me to dive in once more. I strapped on my goggles and focused on my fingertips, my toes, grappling the edge of the board. My heartbeat sped with adrenaline as I counted down the seconds. In the heat of my anticipation I heard the thrum and creak of the diving board next to me being mounted. Assuming Rin was going to race me, I took a breath to calm myself and waited one...more...second.

Off I dove with my arms stretched out like a bird's wings before its ascent into the air. I circled them back to me before hitting the water, digging an opening into the crystal blue with my fingertips. I heard the same come from my right. Rin started a few seconds after me, but then I saw a flash of red and he was suddenly speeding past me. I tried to ignore his presence so that I could execute my stroke, the butterfly by sudden chance. I propelled up, up to my chest from the waters, rolling my stomach in and downward as I lifted my arms again and descended, kicking my legs out as I fell back in.

Once I entered the waters again something sparked in my chest that I couldn't recognize, something similar to the tightness of strain and burning of anxiety. It erased every thought in my head even as I tried to time myself until the turn, instead making me focus on the other swimmer ahead of me. I could tell Rin was using the same stroke by the way our arms moved through the water in unison, the echo of our gasps for breath bouncing off the walls. He was aggressive to my passive, inexperienced swimming, competitive to my willing, testing me to speed up to match his level. I fell into his unspoken dare and buzzed with energy, coming head to head with him in a matter of seconds. We were so close to the turn then but I wasn't worried. By some unknown force I rolled under at the same time he did and kicked off.

In a blur we were back at the start panting madly and ripping off our goggles. I looked to him ready to tell him that we'd had to call it a tie, but lost my train of thought in the surprised glaze in his eyes. For another countless time I had caught Rin off guard, proved him wrong about me. But there was something else. Like...like he saw me for something else...

_Like I might be the best person he ever raced, _I dared to assume in that beautiful moment.

Rin said something I couldn't understand, and so I wheezed back, "What was that?"

"I said, dummy, that you finally got it."

"Well," I laughed breathlessly," y-yeah. I was bound to get it."

Rin shook his head, smothering some sort of grin trying to form on his lips. He smoothed back his bangs and moved to get out. I followed suit but found myself slipping on the wall with my jelly-like exhausted legs. I fell back with an "oof", nearly sinking all the way to the bottom of the pool. Rin placed his towel from the side onto his shoulders and offered a hand.

"I'm not helpless, y'know?"I insisted.

As if he predicted it, my foot slipped again and he caught my wrist in time to fish me out of the water. His other hand found mine and I was lifted up and placed right in front of him as if I weighed nothing more than a feather. I couldn't say anything right away; I was still looking at him, into him. It felt like I were sinking ever so slowly into the tile as I saw him, really saw him, the swimmer I swum with just a moment ago, the person I bonded with for a glimmer of a minute. It no longer mattered what name I could give him or what label to stick on him. He was, and is, a terrifyingly great swimmer, like a shark in the dark abyss of the ocean. I should've been scared of his ability and his aggressiveness, but all I could think was, _I need to swim with him again._

"Hey, it's weird with you staring at me like that," he said, snapping me out of my trance under his still-burning gaze.

I silently turned to his hands on my wrists at my side, discovering my skin fizzling with a weird sensation under his touch. He noticed it and quickly released me. My body grew still, but the imprint of his hands stayed aching, almost like it were screaming for him to grip me hard again and never let go.

"Umm..." Rin cleared his throat as I looked up to find his cheeks blooming with a slight blush.

"Are you," I started to ask, "a-are you going to-"

"-get dressed? Yeah...unless you want to go first?"

"Whichever you prefer."

He nodded awkwardly and hurriedly walked to the locker rooms, not noticing the heat in my cheeks as well.

* * *

We locked the doors behind us after we were dressed and headed back to our dorms, too embarrassed to say anything until we were came to the fork in our path. I wanted to say something, probably everything at once that had came to mind like how he knew what my main problem was with swimming, how he knew how to swim like that, if we could race like before again...

"See ya later," he mumbled while turning away.

I gathered the rest of my courage to face him and opened my mouth. "Rin?" I called.

He peeked over his shoulder as he stopped.

"Can,...umm..., can we...swim together again soon?"

His lips parted, but he looked back at the road. I thought he was going to walk away, which was what I began doing, until he finally spoke up.

"I'm staying after again tomorrow," he answered.

_"Yes,"_ I translated from that.

"Okay. Tomorrow..."

And for the next week we met after class to swim. Until the blazing evening sky we would stretch and then swim, mostly in silence, but in the water it felt like we could've been holding the longest conversations. I was still unmatched in experience to him, but I never felt threatened by him. And neither did he act as cold. Once or twice I'd see a flash of a smile, a really handsome smile, and sense his warmth edging closer to me as he looked to me with a different light in his eyes.

It was intoxicating, swimming in dangerous water, swimming with a shark like him, but I never felt more at home than I did with him.

But the illusion couldn't last for long. By the end of that week we'd gone on the club trip to a training facility, and I received more threats uglier than before. I couldn't ignore the notes in my locker any longer, especially when the mystery person finally told me what they wanted.

_"Stay away from Rin," _the notes read in bold kanji.

I could've hidden it from the world, but after we returned to campus Rin discovered the notes and the writings on my locker that I couldn't wash off, couldn't throw out in time. For his safety I couldn't have him asking questions, getting involved at all. So I had to push him away.

And the void between us grew deeper again.


	7. Struggling to Resurface

Chapter Seven:

"What's up with you?" asked Rin, catching me by surprise.

I was walking to my usual seat in the cafeteria when he snuck up on me, tray in hand and eyes burning a hole in both my head and the walls I built during our time away. Trying not to look at him I set my tray on the table and my bag next to the chair. Rin took no time seating himself as I did, across from me where I couldn't avoid eye contact. I played dumb to his accusatory glare that, in the end, got me nowhere with his stubbornness.

"I'm really not in the mood for the silent treatment from you right now," he said, stabbing his fork into a piece of broccoli.

"Then who would you like the silent treatment from?" I answered, not even realizing how cold I had sounded.

"I don't need you to be cocky either." But I saw a flash of a smile in his eyes.

I wanted to say something to him, truly I did, but there wasn't anything that could deter from the issue. The notes were left in my school locker, in and on my desk, when Rin was even in the same room as me. I couldn't ignore it, couldn't hide it, especially after Rin saw it one day in class. He wouldn't let me avoid him outside of class, no matter how much I tried.

But there was nothing he could've done to change what happened.

"I won't...talk about anything you don't want to," he said. "Just say something."

"How was your day?" I blurted out.

_Am I kidding me? 'How was your day?' What kind of diversion is that?_

It sounded like Rin tried to hold back a chuckle and then scooped a forkful of curry from his spot. I looked back at him, unable to determine his expression.

"Fine," he answered.

_Is there something wrong with him? He wouldn't ever react like this to that kind of comment. Maybe..._I thought. No. Our relationship was...well, what could I call it? I had no idea, but that didn't mean I could just throw myself out there and expect results. It's...it was confusing. _How do I act around him?_

He must have noticed my attitude by my lack of appetite because he then said to me, "Are you staying after today?"

"I...I dunno..."

My chest heaved with a fluttering ache. I'd been plagued with that since that one afternoon, but I brushed it away as fast as I could. Rin had been good so far guessing my thoughts lately, and I didn't want to give him any weird ideas from the way I seemed to melt to his words.

"A-Are-Do you still like spicy foods?" I asked, attempting Change the Subject no.2. For him to be so clueless to the oddity of my behavior was far beyond me.

"Yeah," he replied. "You still don't?"

"I've...grown to tolerate it over the years..."

He gave a playful scoff, setting his fork on his emptied tray. I forced a bite of salad down to keep him at bay. It'd been a while since I had a decent meal; I didn't like to starve myself, as Kiyoko had questioned earlier. My classes were pushing more work than I could keep up with, and the pressure seemed worse when I had something solid in my stomach.

"Are you still choosing to swim?" he asked as he leaned back into his seat.

"Y-yes...I just-"

"Just what?"

I couldn't answer. Biting my lip I tried to think of something. Food, class, friends, something to turn away the obvious answer that yes, I was drifting away from swimming, even though I came to love it, especially with him. I begun to lose my passion for it as quickly as I had gained it.

"Can you...not swim at all this week?" he said with blushing cheeks.

"No-NO-no, umm, that's-that's not the issue!" I flustered.

He looked away, nervously running his fingers through his hair. In all the outcomes of our conversation I was slightly relieved for the awkward encounter. It gave me the opportunity to excuse myself, which I started doing as I grabbed my bag. I told him, "You know, it's close to the beginning of my next class. I need to get goin-"

"No, that's fine. I need to go, too," he said, defeated.

He got up with his tray, and I with mine, but suddenly he stopped in front of my chair, blocking my way with a serious look.

"I'm going to swim some more after practice. Just thought I'd tell you...in case..."

_In case I want to join, _I summed up in my head.

Rin turned and left before I could respond. I stood in silence, watching him go, metaphorically sinking into the floor by the weight of my guilt and confusion.

* * *

"Senpai, I'm going to go grab my bag before the club meet-up. Are you studying again tonight?" Kiyoko asked after class.

I sat outside on a bench by the front end of the campus when my roommate found me. I shuffled through papers and textbooks in my bag, mostly distracting myself from the turmoil boiling through my brain: _What am I going to do about the term paper? How long will it take me tonight to finish this calculus crap? _Then she brought up another matter gnawing at my insides: _How was I going to face Rin and the captains this time and try to avoid making the bully angry?_ Swimming, practicing, school, work, schedules...all of my responsibilities were swarming me like a hive of angry bees. Everything was in disarray like looking through a kaleidoscope: it made me dizzy enough to drive me insane.

"I-I'm going that way. Let me come with you," I said after a moment's consideration.

Kiyoko seemed to glow with joy as we walked twists and turns to get to our dorm. It made me feel even more guilty when I noticed the spring in her step. Unfortunately avoiding Rin also meant doing so to Kiyoko. I didn't want to get her involved with my issues. Because she was clueless she most likely assumed I was busy. She was probably going to ask-

"How was your classes today, senpai?" she said.

-that. _Oh, come on! This isn't fair!_

"They were fine. How about you?"

"Same old-same old. My math teacher is really hitting us hard with the big time Algebra questions, bu~ut it's nothing I'm not worried about. Nii-kun is kinda flustered about the upcoming tests, though."

_Nii-kun?_

"You and him are getting closer, aren't you?" I asked innocently.

"Oh! Uh-umm, we're-we're just good friends is all! I swear!" she squeaked with a bashful blush.

A shy little smile crept across her lips that I couldn't help reflecting with my own. I was glad that someone was having a better week that me. Those two were kind of cute together, too.

"Senpai, wha-what about you and Ma-Matsuoka-senpai?"

"Hmm?"

"Well, I-uh, I noticed that you two we-were getting along earlier...umm, so, you two must be good friends...too?"

It was my turn to blush. I wasn't sure what Rin and I were to each other, much less what the current situation was. I was pushing away that time, yet Rin took it upon himself to edge closer to me when I least wanted it. Ever since that...that wonderfully confusing week he'd been friendlier. Kinder...less like a friend...

But I couldn't say what Rin was to me. It was frustrating that he made me so confused about him and-and, well, everything. When I swam with him I wasn't haunted by the past or thinking about the future. It was just racing from one end of the pool to the other in hopes of beating him. And talking with him was just as great. I didn't need to think about how to act in front of others or what fish they were like. For a shark, Rin brought me up to the surface of a brighter, exciting world.

And those weird fantasies of brushing his bangs back from his face or something else seemingly creepy...Holding hands and such. Ugh...

_But..._

I changed the subject as Kiyoko and I entered the girls' dorm. Our laughter echoed off of the stairway walls, silenced by a dorm neighbor passing by. We were happy for those few seconds..._but..._

Our door was nearly covered with red and black kanji, repeating the same message that I tried getting away from: "Stay away from Rin". Even the scraps of paper stuck underneath and before our room read the same thing. Right there for everyone to see...

"K-Kiyoko...-chan?"

She silently ran up to the door and unlocked it with nervous fingers. I heard her tumble to the ground inside, and when I raced to enter I found her crawling towards the closet on the right. She unzipped one of her unpacked bags and pulled out a photo-a photo of her family. Unmarred and baring her large family's bright smiles.

"Kiyoko-chan..."

I hated myself in that moment. I loathed myself. All that time I was letting the bully attack me, and because of one event I ended up pulling Kiyoko into the fray. I never considered that they'd go after her like that, threaten what was most precious to her.

Holding back cowardice tears, I slowly got down on my knees and folded over myself in a dogeza. Kiyoko was silent, but then she said to me, "Nanami-senpai, please get up."

"I'm so sorry, Kiyoko-chan," I said with a ragged tone. "I'm so sorry I got you involved."

"Na-Nanami-sen-"

"No. I know what you're going to say but I can't-"

Her hand settled on my right shoulder, and her soothing voice told me, "Please, senpai, get up."

I slowly obeyed. Kiyoko's eyes were glossy with premature tears, her lips thinning into an encouraging smile, but her tone firmed into something confidently sweet. "Senpai, I know things are tough, but you can't go through it all alone."

"You don't deserve to be brought into this, Kiyoko-chan," I countered childishly.

"Well, it doesn't look like I have much choice now, does it?" she replied.

A broken scoff shook my chest. My roommate stood up and offered her hand and I hesitantly took it. She began picking up the scraps of threats cluttering the doorway, but as we finished I turned to her.

"Why would you be so forgiving of this?"

"Well," she answered, "I remember my mother telling me many years ago that 'nothing great comes without difficulty', so I was kinda prepared for anything."

"What's great about any of this?" I asked, motioning to the doorway.

"Our friendship, of course...Uhm, well, if I may be so bol-"

With a grin I pulled her close to me into a big hug. She was frozen stiff with surprise, that little high school girl who smelled of daisies and had the strongest, purest heart of all. She was a kind little guppy who couldn't hug back right away. I knew it wasn't a proper thing to do but she deserved much more praise for a freshman, much more than a crappy roommate like me. Before I let go I could've sworn there was a ghost of a happily shy smile on her lips.

"Kiyoko-chan, thank you," I said. "Why don't you go on ahead while I clean up?"

"But what about practice?"

"You should get there first. Let the captain know that I'll be late so at least you won't be in trouble."

"But I can't let you do this all alone."

"I know, and I appreciate your effort. But for now, can you do this for me?"

She agreed after a little more coaxing. Later, when she was gone I shut the door behind her and sat at the edge of my beg, slowly breaking down with a handful of the threats clutched in my hands, wishing that God could sweep me off the campus and somewhere else far away.

* * *

Chie-san scolded me in private when I arrived in the middle of practice. I wasn't sure if Kiyoko said anything about the door or the notes, but something about my solemn apology and curt bow seemed to throw her off balance. I knew I had tried to recompose myself, but I probably couldn't have fooled her. She left me in the locker room to change, but after that I had half a mind to leave. Finding more notes in my locker, getting into my swimsuit proved to be an emotional challenge. I desperately wanted to rip them to shreds and scream at the top of my lungs like a mad woman. Why couldn't they let their grudge go? I was already broken. What more did they want from me?

By the time I walked into the pool room the boys were entering to do final stretches with the other group. In the back of their line came Rin and his roommate. Before Rin could see me I looked away, joining my group in a far corner line. The girl in front of me peeked over at me, expressionless but eyes flashing with fury. _She must be one of the hard-core swimmers, _I thought as I looked to the captains.

My body felt numb, somewhat hollow even after practice was over. I couldn't explain how I made it to the end of practice and faced the captains to ask to stay after, but somehow they agreed, albeit with worry being plastered over by feigned reluctance on their faces. I didn't bother to ask about the keys. Immediately remembering what Rin told me that afternoon I waited impatiently and frustratedly in the far corner of the pool room for the last person to leave. I cursed myself relentlessly while watching the sky fizzle from blue to pinkish orange.I had once again earned myself another chance for the bully to target me.

A splash bounced off the cavernous walls and back to me. I turned, finding a familiar streak of flesh and red hair swimming toward me. With a hungry gasp Rin resurfaced, pulling his goggles off to get a better look at me.

"So, you showed up," he said with an undertone of relief.

"Yeah..." is all I could manage to reply.

He jerked his chin towards the pool. "Then let's swim."

"I..."

Rin raised a brow. I looked away so that I wouldn't have to face his judgmental gaze. I just wanted to stay in my corner and soak in my misery.

"What's gotten into you?" he snapped.

"Nothin-"

"Then why are you sitting there? If you're not getting in then there's no use for you to be in your suit."

Out of spite, I gave in, making my way to the diving boards. He watched me as I gave an exasperated motion. Then when I stepped onto the board he swam back to me, climbed out and stood on the board beside mine.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making you swim, idiot."

"You're not doing anything."

He grinned as if to say "Are you sure about that?". In response I made an ugly face that suggested he shove it.

"C'mon," he said, and then dove into the pool.

Without a second to waste I went in after him. The water felt colder on my skin, kissed my cheeks with icy lips that soothed me, ushering me to forget everything above the water and race Rin. I pushed up from the waters as I circled my arms, catching Rin ahead of me by a body's length. Forcing myself to swim faster only got me up to a head behind him, but I had already lost most of my strength in the process. The spark I had when swimming faded, and then I found myself running on panic. My body froze over in fear as I fought to stay calm, yet nothing could stop the frantic beating of my heart. Coming up for air I choked on chlorine-spiked water, then a gulp of it as Rin zoomed past me.

_Struggling isn't going to help...what do I do? _I screamed inside before making the turn.

Tears threatened to come as I pushed myself even more. Everything in me ached. Rin almost made it to the finishing point and I hadn't even gotten half-way...

Then came her voice.

"_Nana-chan,"_ Mother called to me. "_My darling little girl, why don't you look at me?"_

_She's not there! _I snapped at myself. _It's all in my head, it's all in my head!_

_"Nanami...Nanami, please..."_

"NO!"

My body nearly slammed into the wall as I abruptly jumped up, onto my feet. A shrill voice echoed off the walls-my voice, my scream that escaped me. I stared down at the rippling reflection of a girl who looked like me, but her cheeks were hollowing and eyes blood-shot and puffy as she tugged off her goggles. I tried focusing on the sound of the calming waters, yet I couldn't stop staring at the image below me, that hauntingly similar girl. There was no denying that was me, but I didn't want to admit it. _No, it's not me. I'm..._ I was a hollow being, a simple, abandoned little shell at the bottom of the ocean and not a girl with too many issues and without a clue as to what she wanted to do with her future anymore. It was easier to pretend because I wouldn't have to face any problems in my imagination, but the illusion had faded as the image disappeared into the chest of someone else.

Rin gripped me by the shoulders and shook me, his touch alone enough to bring me back to reality. Those weird fantasies had suddenly come true, rendering me speechless and tingling all over. I looked up with a jolt in my heart, its pace quickening as I focused on his eyes. He said something unregistered to me either by the water in my ears or the mental fog that hovered around me. I figured if I stared into his eyes long enough I was able to snap out of it. Maybe it wasn't a spell. Maybe he was some kind of rock, his hands an anchor to steady me, his gaze a beacon in the night to help me back to shore.

"Nanami, answer me!" he yelled, shaking me hard enough to throw out my neck.

I blinked away the fog, sending something warm down my cheeks. Rin stared in frustration at me as if waiting for me to say something. At first I couldn't get anything to come out, not when he was still gripping me with his intoxicating touch. He paralyzed me at the same time he filled me with a sense of hope, of purpose. Like he could save me from the earlier pain and drown me in this odd feeling all at once.

"Rin," I said softly. "Please...can we stay like this a little longer?"

"I-what?" You're not making any se-sense."

I felt one hand lift off my shoulder and my head started spinning again in anxiety. I needed that anchor to keep me down into my body. Ready to protest I began to open my mouth, but paused to the touch of that hand elevating my chin for him to get a better look at me, to shock me out of the fog.

"Do you need to see the nurse or something?"

"No..."

"Then what's going on?! You're not like your usual annoying self."

Whether it was an attempt to tease me or just make a snide comment I still managed a small smile for him. With a deep exhale I lifted his hands off of me and told him, "Just...give me a minute...okay?"

I didn't wait for him to respond as I climbed out and sat against the wall before the locker rooms. A few deep breaths and some stretches later I was able to face Rin, but he stayed floating in his lane even as I dove off the boards. With no contest to race I just swam, letting the waves of the water around me wash away the earlier moment between Rin and I. There were no sounds to hear, not even Mother's voice to beckon me to another breaking point, only the hum of the water in my ears. Swimming back to Rin, I couldn't help but fall prey to the pool's lull, its tranquil call. The evening sun cast a light onto the pool that reflected on to the ceiling as I slowed to a float face side up. It was like I was back in the caverns again that I used to swim in, except the view above had a new outlook, an entirely different story to what that room held, its warping, silver-ish squiggles trying to form into words. I wanted to decipher those lines up above but something fleshy and cold against my fingertips stole my attention. Rin turned to me at the same time I did to him wearing a similar look of surprise.

He mumbled an apology as he drew his hand back from underneath the lane buoys.

"Rin...?" I called out softly.

His voice came like a rumble in the waves. "What?"

"Can...can you still hear him?" I nearly whispered.

He didn't respond. I looked to him to answer, but his expression was hard to see when he drifted in the opposite direction.

"No..."

I thought I imagined a response, but then he added, "Why?"

"Things...it's complicated...but when everything slips through my fingers she..."

The disappointment of Rin not understanding my problem forced me to stop talking, but his tone wasn't as convincing as I thought it to be. Maybe he did hear his father when he swam and he didn't care to admit it, or maybe he really had told the truth. Either way I felt like a lunatic to tell him. It felt like some sort of sense of responsibility, like I owed him an explanation for my behavior. Thankfully he didn't treat me any differently.

"You have to ignore her and everything else, otherwise you lose the race. Simple as that," he told me.

"Most of the time that works. But she...she doesn't stop."

"Then what do you think will help you?"

That time he turned to me, drifting closer as my body tugged towards the buoys beside him with the water. I thought about it, unsure of how to tell him without sounding any more crazier than I already had.

"Maybe," I answered, "if I have somebody I want to swim with."

"Who...is that?"

I pursed my lips closed, afraid of how he'd take the answer, afraid of his kindness that healed me to the core. _What will you think of me if I say it's you? How will you take it if I admit it? How can I tell you? Should I...?_

I felt too anxious, and the moment was slipping away, so I repeated the only thing I could think of.

"Can we...stay like this just a bit longer?"

My hand drifted back under the buoys. To my excitement Rin quietly brushed my hand with his, the impression of his rough fingers entwining with my own.

"Whatever you need, Mio."

"Thank you,...Rin."

* * *

I walked back to my dorms alone after Rin insisted on locking up by himself. Kiyoko distracted me from my lingering thoughts on him, his hand that almost held mine, his gaze that flipped my world upside down, but I forced my thoughts back to my homework as the outside lights turned on for the dark evening.

As I flipped through my science textbook Kiyoko was about to leave for the library when she said to me, "Senpai, there's a note by the door for you."

My heart skipped a beat as the thought of the bully ruining my evening crossed my mind. Kiyoko was surprised, not shocked, so I calmed some and opened the folded piece of notebook paper she handed to me.

"_Meet me by the pool. We need to talk," _it read.

"Is it from Matsuoka-senpai?" Kiyoko said with a slight smile.

"Y-yeah...I gotta go. I'll see you later, Kiyoko-chan," I answered.

I walked out the door in my plaid p.j. pants and my windbreaker. An icy fist curled around my heart, the beginning of a panic attack most likely, but I shoved my fears down. I needed to be calm in that situation, even if everything was falling apart.

I lied to Kiyoko-the letter hadn't been from Rin. His handwriting was so much different from the one in the letter.

I was going to the natatorium to face the bully.


	8. A Sharp Gasp for Breath

Chapter Eight:

_I can do this! _

No matter how many times that mantra played in my head it never proved to be convincing enough.

The usual chirps of the evening crickets fell silent to the anxious pounding of my heart. Dying sunlight bled into the background of the windowed walls and doors of the natatorium, burnt through my vision in the process, but I didn't blink. A wave of panic like cool water ran down my spine. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for, but I felt like I couldn't go in yet. It was as if I were waiting to pass through the gates of Hell, nearly quaking in defenseless fear. Why I ran out of the dorms in my lounge clothes was a mystery, but by the glimmer of hope that the torture would stop, I was willing to do anything. Almost anything, anyway. I figured there had to be some sort of bargain, or, in their case, blackmail. _If you stop ruining my life I'm sure-_I thought in my head. I bit my lip. That idea wasn't going to work. They would demand more of me than I could offer. The only thing to do was hope for the best.

_They'll most likely want me, maybe even force me to stop hanging around Rin, _I assumed to myself.

That thought alone was the breaking point for me. Taking a deep breath, I blinked away the patches of sun in my eyes. No matter what, I wouldn't let them get to me. Rin and I may not have been the best of friends, but I wanted to swim with him. Needed to, even. I felt the spark of inspiration in his callous fingers when we linked hands, saw the fire in his burning, fiery eyes; rekindled in me. There wasn't a chance in hell that I'd ever stop.

With a final, deep breath I walked to the pool's entrance, finding the door unlocked. The room itself was dark, save for the patches of light oozing in from the ceiling windows, but no sign of life was detectable. I should've figured they weren't going to sit out in the open and greet me like it were any other day for high school friends. What was I to expect? It was obvious, then, that the mystery person wanted to play on suspense.

The room was hollow, holding a different intent than usual as if the meeting held some tangible, tense air in its wake. I listened for footsteps, a voice to tell me where the person was. My search gained me nothing, finding no one behind the windows near the locker rooms or by the storage doors on the other side. It wasn't until I made it to the edge of the pool when there came a peep. A hushed whisper.

Suddenly the doors slammed shut. Spinning around, I found not one, but three small figures standing next to the doorway. Two to shut the doors, one with a phone in hand flashing, taking pictures, I assumed. Then the leader in the center, a wicked smile on her face. I had to take another deep breath to steady myself.

"Wow, you actually came alone," the ring leader scoffed.

"So, it's three people behind this?" I said with vague disgust.

The leader in question stepped up into the evening light several feet ahead. I should've seen it coming. Her familiar face started coming back to me. The girl who glared at me the other day, one whose friend I ran into at the beginning of my team membership. Brownish-black bobbed hair, silver eyes and a pinched nose; she reminded me of a chihuahua. She was popular with some of the boys on the other team, but her eyes only followed Rin. _Of course..._

"It's a shame it has gotten this far. Rin-sama didn't even try to pay attention as I swiped the keys...

"You could also say we're just as ashamed of your behavior. We, on behalf of Rin-sama, find it disgusting for you to take Rin-sama away from his practice by flirting with your ugly body."

"Excuse me?"

_I was being harassed by a bunch of freshman groupies? Them!?_

"Don't play coy. Everyone, including the captains, is noticing a change in his swimming. He's not focused, and you are to blame."

"That's..."

It didn't make sense to me, not right away, but I couldn't deny a connection. There wasn't a change in him that I'd noticed since our practices were separate, but when Rin joined me in the afternoons he never liked to talk about his team or their captain. I didn't think of it as anything, but if he really were falling behind because of me...

"All you are is a nuisance to him. Selfish, arrogant, and bothersome. You have no right to distract Rin-sama from his calling! His passion!"

I wouldn't let them see me break down. It wasn't true. She just said that to get to me...

"All I want from this meeting is for all of us to walk away from this," I replied with a shaky voice. "Whatever you have against me I'll take the blame for, but please do not get my roommate involved any more."

"You just don't get it, do you?" the girl spat. "It's not about you or what you want. It's the consequences of your actions. You need to apologize to those around you and Rin-sama." Then she stepped up to me and added with a dark tone, "And then you need to stay away from him."

It was as I predicted, but still absurd to hear out loud. Her demand was in no way fair, especially when there was no guarantee that Kiyoko would be spared or the matter to be settled. At that moment, I knew for sure that she had made everything up to trick me. I wasn't going to fall for it or back off of Rin. With every fiber of my being, I needed to swim with him, to show him that I was worthy of his time. I wanted to race with him until I couldn't move an inch, watch him swim past me while he looked on to a dream world, that far beyond gaze that captured my attention. He was my reason for swimming.

"No," I said. I stared her down venomously as she did in response. "I can never promise to stay away from Rin. No matter what you do, you can never change my mind."

"Is that so?"

Out of nowhere, she shoved me and I fell into the pool with a splash. I was flabbergasted, never thinking on that possibility of outcomes. However, that surprise was nothing compared to what happened next.

I tried to resurface when something had me by the head and kept me underwater. Bubbles clouded my vision, panic filling my ears with the tempo of my frantic heart. I heard shouting above the water from the two other girls, high-pitched and fearful. I clawed at it, discovering "it" to be the bully's hand, thinking, _If you idiots are concerned then you'd at least try to stop her! Get help! _Nothing stopped the bully, _nothing's going to stop her..._My hope started to diminish.

Fighting back the dread, I tried to move, slip out of her grasp before the air in my lungs shrunk. I sunk further to yank my hair out of her hands, tried pulling her grasp upward to let me up after nothing else worked. Only once I got a fraction of a second to gasp for breath before she recovered, cursing my name as she shoved me deeper down.

When I started to panic I felt the air leave me, the water beginning to seep in, my body collapsing in fear. I stopped struggling, and then everything blurred. Another voice, my mother's, faded in from the waves around me.

"_Nana-chan_," she said, "_won't you look at me_?"

"_I'm so sorry, Mother," _I thought to her, feeling her fingertips in the bubbles kissing my cheeks. "_I'm so sorry..."_

_"My darling girl, you don't need to apologize. It's not your time. You're going to be alright." _

_"No, it's not. Mom, I can't do this! I can't fight this! I'm..."_

_"Not as long as you have courage, baby. Remember what I taught you, and fight!" _

Mom's encouragement gave me the strength for one last tug at the bully's grip, but I rose only a fraction of an inch before sinking lower into the pool. The last of my breath gradually slipped out while I kept fighting, and after what felt like hours I lost it all. I closed my eyes and reached up, not even sure if it could swipe at the bully's hand above.

The water poured in like rapid waters into my mouth when I tried to scream for help, urging a muffled cry down into my chest and choke me even further. The pain alone of feeling it forcefully go down my throat, the chlorine sting my nostrils, all of it slither throughout my body was a whole different kind of torture, a cold poison taking its time to finish me off. My body naturally tried to expel it, made me cough and choke and gag, but more water entered. With nothing left to help me fight I let it take me...

As I drifted off I could faintly hear voices, one deep and powerful enough to scare away the other girls. The bully finally let go of me, but I was too numb to move. My body slowly ascended, making my chest heavy and head buzzing with some unknown weight.

_This must be what Kasumi felt that day...I'm so sorry to you too, Kasumi...I wish I had the chance to tell you that..._

My body floated, my consciousness out to some distant place. Everything around me was quiet, blissful, but dark...growing white, then different hues began filling my vision. My body lifted up from the waters-no, someone with an iron grip swam me to the edge and drug me out to a cold surface. They pressed against my chest, their breath on my cheeks after breathing air into me. The familiar warmth of oxygen in my lungs revived me, coaxed my body back to its former state. I came to all at once, immediately seizing in pain, making me double over and cough up the chlorine water until I heaved. My senses returned as a person's voice called my name. Then I heard, "C'mon, Nanami, talk to me. Are you okay? Say something!"

"Wha...?"

I rolled onto my other side and then the person grabbed me, cradling my head and shoulders as they held me to them tightly. I felt the firmness of their chest, heard their heartbeat, a guy-

"R-Rin...?" I croaked.

"What were you thinking, idiot?" he snapped.

I pushed away to look at him. He stared back, glaring at me with terrified and terrifyingly burning eyes. I wanted to brush away the hair matted to his face, but my stupid thoughts were more focused on the clothes wetly clinging to his body, outlining his shoulders, and the hands that grasped me. He...Rin had me tight by the arms like I were a ghost and I would disappear at any moment. It almost seemed possible that I died. Rin would never have looked at me that way, touched me as such...

"Why did you confront them?!" he hissed. "You should've known they would've-! What-why?"

"Why are you so m-mad at me?" I asked in a high-pitch. "I was trying to-to..."

I was reminded of what the bully said. I was a distraction to Rin by making him worry..._M__aybe I shouldn't tell him..._No...They were wrong...

"You're lucky I got here in time. When I got back I found Niitori and Kiyoko-chan, and she thought you were meeting up with me. Then the keys..."

He brushed the bangs out of his eyes with shaking fingers. I was...shocked to find him nearly hyperventilating and scolding me...There wasn't anything to say when my mind raced with jibberish. Only..._It's all because of me..._

"R-Rin..."

"Nanami, don't ever do that...hey...wha-what. No, don't cry."

"I-I'm just-I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry, Rin..."

There was no energy in me to make tears form, and so the sobs sat limp in my chest. Leaning over to hide my face behind my hands, I waited for my strength to return and the nausea to subside, feeling a flutter of surprise when he pulled my hands apart and forced my head on his shoulder. Heat filled my cheeks where my forehead should've with his warmth, and that weird buzzing feeling returned. Relief filled me, melted into his body heat, warming me. With a sigh, I snuggled closer to him while his knees harshly buckled next to my legs. He stayed silent as I listened to his nervous heartbeat that mimicked mine perfectly. It was weird, feeling like we were connected somehow, even though we were so far from similar. He was almost a master at swimming, and me a beginner. He's dangerous but caring, competitive, and... and I was nothing like him. I wasn't...I didn't deserve to be rescued by him, yet..._why am I so happy to have him with me?_

"Are you okay?" he asked after I calmed some.

"I'm..."

I sat up and looked to him, asking, "Rin, we were using each other's first names, weren't we?"

His cheeks flushed. "Uh...I-I guess. S-Sorry," he said, quickly letting go of me when he realized where his hands were.

"No, uh, actually...it was kind of nice...hearing you use it. It's been a few years..."

He chuckled, looking back to me with a different light in his gaze.

"Rin...?"

"Yeah...?"

"Why'd you come back for me?"

"Why would you ask that? You were in trouble." Yet his hands moved towards me too quickly.

"But...why...?"

Rin paused, his mouth trying to form the words but failed him. My heart fluttered with some kind of hope, my body stunned under the excitement. When he looked to me I saw a flicker of the answer held back by an unknown barrier, the truth fighting to be said before it was too late. _If I pushed hard enough..._

"What am I to you, Rin?" I whispered.

He stopped. Suddenly, my whole body snapped into some other kind of mode. I already knew what he was going to say, even if he didn't finish. My hands reached out to him as I murmured his name. Rin swallowed me up in his alluring gaze and his enticing touch enveloped me by the cheeks. My eyes closed...and in the darkness I felt his lips on mine.

It wasn't fast, but all the same just as passionate; like a white hot blur of emotion that overtook me. My hands fiddled with the hair on the nape of his neck, one of his hands daring closer to my waist. The buzzing in my body flooded me like a hurricane rampaging over the seas, but while the storms raged on I found comfort in his arms, moaning at the urgency of his hands pulling me closer to him until not even air could separate us. Like our matches, he was furious, hungry for more, forcing me to catch up to his speed. Our kiss might have been sloppy because of my inexperience but I didn't care if it was my first. It wasn't glitter and pixie dust, but a spark of energy, a natural instinct that revolved around him and only him. I enjoyed the smell of the cologne on his shirt and his breath tasting like mint, hitting my face as we stopped to breathe, and his rough hands still on my waist. My lips ached afterwards, but they formed a smile on their own as I stared up at him, feeling amazed and my spirits lifting skyward.

"Na-Nana...mi?" he said softly.

I reached up to kiss him again, to make sure it wasn't a dream and somewhat out of greed. Rin didn't take his time to kiss back, drawing me close to him again. My hands came to a stop on his chest when I felt his erratic heartbeat. It drove me crazy knowing that I worked him up and our two bodies were nearly as one through touch and taste. Each second of that new experience became imprinted into my memory, forming the truth with every breath and pull: I was utterly infatuated with Rin.

He held onto me as he teased my lips open more, and I let out a sigh. His groan seemed like a response, telling me he loved it just as much. Pressing further, he nibbled on my lower lip while my fingers tangled in his hair. But then I gasped.

Rin pulled away and asked me, "Did I bite too hard?"

"I-umm..."

When we stopped I suddenly came to realize where we were, what we just did; I was absolutely speechless. He and I just kissed..._he and I just kissed! And I-and then he! It-_...It was so good, yet I was even more confused. We...!

"Nanami, what are you thinking?"he said in a low, hopeful voice.

"I-I can't...a-actually...umm..."

His fingers tugging at the end of my bangs recoiled back to him, the tingling sensation in me fading away. I could feel the air between us no longer acting as a conduit but a knife cutting me open. I desperately wanted to tell him that I wanted him, needed him like he was air as I finally understood why I felt the way I did about him, but my conscience told me otherwise. To dive into unknown waters was a risk...however...

"Nana-agh, Nanami-chan," he said, "I-I-umm..."

"What is it?"

_Please, don't push me away..._

"You just-you just-jus-agh, damnit!" He gripped my arms as he bent his head down, and he nearly shouted at me, "I would've lost it if something happened to you, okay? So-so...that's why I went looking for you..."

Something inside me pulled me under and was drowning me as he tried telling me the truth.

"I don't care about anything at this point. Even while I'm far from the best like the others...while-while I'm still...Even if...the tournament is coming closer, I'll catch up. There's no chance I'll lose if I have you to swim with."

I died in a different pool of water as if a predator drug me down and ate my body in a gory, brutal way. It was true; he couldn't hide the disappointment and hurt in the way he looked at me, the way his hands betrayed him with the pained twitch of his fingers. Because of my meeting him after school he fell behind the other swimmers. I thought he wanted to race his friend Haru again, but I really had taken away his inspiration for swimming. The realization was a curve ball to the head: I needed to stay away from him. I was selfish, and I didn't deserve him.

Rin sat up and looked me straight in the eye. "Nanami-chan, who...who is it that you want to swim with? I need to know."

"I..."

_I can't tell him! No! I can't...! I'm being selfish! But this isn't fair...I finally know how I feel about him! This isn't fair!_

There was no breath for me to draw. My vision spun, and the next thing I knew I was falling...falling into his arms...


	9. Which Way to Swim

Chapter Nine:

"Hey."

His hand caught hold of my free arm, pulling me back towards him before I could make my escape. The eyes of the other students lingered on us as he stared me down, the two of us frozen like statues in the middle of the walkway between school buildings. Not knowing what to do, I tried to think of some kind of excuse. _Say I need to get to my next class, say that Kiyoko needs help somewhere, anything! _I snapped at myself.

It was a weekend of silence between us after I fell ill. I couldn't go to class, under the nurse's orders, but Rin never stopped by to see me. Of course, I don't know why I expected him to, since I left him with an unanswered question. Yet I still felt betrayed...and confused. Feeling unsure of myself around him would never stop being a challenge. All I knew for certain was that I was dead weight for him, a distraction from his real goals whether he wanted to admit it or not.

"We need to talk," he said after I noticed that I was still silent.

I nodded, taking my arm back as he looked for an quiet corner for us, and wished for the bell to ring. I wasn't ready to talk to him, to ruin everything we had been able to patch up since the past month. Being prepared to tell him the truth and doing so were very different things, and while I was thinking as congruently as a headless chicken I had no other options.

_But...it needs to be done, _I thought. _He and I can't go on like this much longer._

Under a nearby tree hidden by bushes he and I stopped, neither daring to speak up. I didn't even know what to say. I avoided him in class up to that point thinking that he would let the question die off. But I really was panicking. This was Rin I was getting involved with, after all; he's too stubborn to let things go.

"Are you...feeling any better?" he asked.

I nodded at first, then realized I needed to speak while he and I were looking away from each other. "Yeah...u-I'm doing alright. What about...you?"

"Good."

Rin's anxious sigh sent chills down my spine as I snuck a peek at him. He irritably glared at my shoes as he reached behind to rub his neck, an obvious tic of his that managed to make me squirm. _He held me with those hands-_

I nearly shouted out loud to myself for thinking that. My thoughts were slipping back to our kiss the other day and not even coming up with the right words to say to him. I couldn't believe I was this nervous around him. He was still Rin. He was the same classmate and club member, but under a different light...a different point of view that outlined the roughness of his knuckles and the feel of his lips on m-

_Damn it!_ I pretended to notice a bird up above to avoid his gaze. He wasn't even talking and my insides were melting..._Puppy love is nothing but trouble..._

The silence was unbearable, so I took advantage of it to speak before I could break down like a nervous wreck.

"R-Rin-"

"Nanami-chan," he nearly snapped. My jaw immediately clamped shut.

Taking a deep breath, he said, "What happened Friday...what I said before...I-I meant it. I meant it all. And I...still want an answer. I s-still want to know who you-who you want to swim with."

I opened my mouth to speak, wanting, urging words to come to me, but nothing did. Embarrassment filled my cheeks as I tried to think, failing to make sense of the jumbled thoughts swimming restlessly in my head. Rin waited for me to say something, watched me struggle to look at him.

"I-I can't..."

Those words felt ominous, like it hadn't left me and was under lock and key in my mind. But when I glanced at Rin, I knew it escaped.

"What?"

Coming face to face with my fears, I turned to look at him, plunging right into the shark pit.

"I'm sorry..."

"Y-you're sorry? What's that supposed to mean?"

The truth burnt in my throat, but seeing the results of it left me charred and lifeless. Rin glared at me in disbelief, a stunned beast ready to unleash his wrath in retaliation, and I forced myself to look at him the entire time so that he wouldn't doubt me, that I wouldn't give myself the chance to second guess it. It had to be said..._Rin has to give up on me...for his dreams..._

"I can't-I can't tell you...and...I can't..."

"Can't what?" he demanded.

His tone froze me to the core. The sharpness of my nails in my palms became numb to me, and I stopped answering altogether.

"C'mon, damnit! Why can't you answer me?!"

He stomped toward me, making me cower back against the tree until there was no ground left. His hands gripped me tight by the arms, forcing me to look him in the eye, to see the hurt I was causing him. Rin was close, too close, and my will was slipping. I wanted to tell him that, yes, I wanted to swim with him, I wanted to be at his side the entire time, but couldn't. It was selfish to entertain the thought of saying it because he needed to swim with Haru to make up for all those years of emotional and mental toil. There was no way I could bring myself to come between him and his dreams, his opportunity to become a great swimmer. If tearing us apart was going to help him, then I had to be a monster.

"What aren't you telling me?" he asked with a hint of desperation.

"Rin..." _Don't look at me like that...Don't look at how it's affecting me too..._

"Tell me."

Sucking in a sharp breath, I opened my mouth to tell him the one thing that would part us for good.

"I saw you talking to Haruka, that day at the store."

His lips parted slightly in surprise. He kept his eyes on me, but I could sense our relationship slipping away in the process.

When he stayed quiet, I continued, "I heard you c-conversation, and-and I know you won't swim for me. You want Haruka to swim for you. You need him to...and I think I know why.  
"S-so, I can't tell you. I can't give y-you an answer...I'm-I'm not as talented of a swimmer as you...I-"

"Don't give me that crap! You know that's not true!" he shouted at me.

He inched closer to me but I pushed him away. Overwhelmed by his reaction, I looked away from his eyes that bore into me with agony and hate. No matter how much I wanted him to understand, the guilt would never subside, and he would never come to terms with it like I would. He was different, and I would never be anything like him, as I tried to remind myself...and I couldn't take my time explaining myself. I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible.

"It's the truth, but you just won't see it!" I snapped back. "I'm not as good at swimming as you, but I don't need you to slow down for me like I need to be babysat. Why should I swim with someone who doesn't take me seriously?!"

That was the first time I saw loathing in his expression, felt it curdle the air around me like spoiled milk.

I had finally done the deed, but the consequences were nothing like I had ever imagined.

"It wasn't about swimming," he growled before composing his temper. "But if that's what this is all about, then have it your way."

Without another word he stomped away, turning a corner out of my sight. There came the sound of a trash can smacking into something, rolling to a stop, and then a faint, wild, maniacal beating echoing in my ears. The next thing I know I'm on my knees shaking with so much regret I wanted to cry. I held back as much as I could in case Rin was still close by, but he was gone...

Never coming back to me.

* * *

"Ms. Mio, may I speak to you for a moment?"

Thursday afternoon I tried walking out of history class without making eye contact with my teacher. Blending in with the others exiting only gained me a few feet before one person beside me walked ahead, exposing me to Tamaka-sensei. Already knowing what she was going to say, I solemnly turned to her and asked, "Yes, ma'am?"

"I won't beat around the bush when it comes to students like you, but I'd like the bring to your attention that your papers and grades are slipping to a devastatingly low point. I don't know why, and I won't ask, but you need to do something about it. I'm aware that you are a part of the swim team, correct?"

"Y-yes..."

"If you can't manage your time properly studying anymore, I suggest taking some time off of your extracurricular activities. I would hate to see such a promising talent go to waste."

"Yes, ma'am. Excuse me."

I walked out of the classroom, thanking God that the hallway was empty. The third time being pulled aside by a teacher like that wasn't as devastating as the last two. Rin..."He" was nearby when our science teacher started lecturing me about my grades. I knew I wasn't doing well, but I just couldn't find the inspiration to try. What happened that Monday, by the now-accursed tree, did something to me that I hadn't felt in a long time, not since Mother...

Seeing "him" after practice added more weight to my guilt, and soon after I found myself losing my focus in swimming. Fearing the worst coming from my team captain, I decided against going to the meet-up that afternoon. The talk with my history teacher was the breaking point. I needed rest. I needed time to think to myself. Swimming wasn't important...

_And I'm not getting any better at swimming, anyway..._

Kiyoko greeted me at our door with her gym bag in hand and a meek smile to cheer me up. "Hi, senpai...umm, are you...going...?"

I walked around her and into our room avoiding eye contact. Setting my bag by my desk I told her, "I don't think I can make it. Can you go ahead without me?"

"S-sure..."

She closed the door after her, leaving me to my worried thoughts. I stared at my desk, papers riddled with failing, crimson-stained grades, hoping she hadn't seen them. The thought of coming to terms with myself, starting anew when I felt like I wasn't ready, flared my anxiety like a candle freshly lit. But I couldn't let fear stop me. It was just a temporary emotion. If I let it have any more control over me, I wasn't going to be able to pass my exams.

Shaking off the anxious jitters, I changed into my lounge clothes; my p.j. bottoms and a simple tank top that let me breathe better in the budding summer weather. Pulling my bangs back into a pinned tail, I sat down and gripped my pencil tight, swallowing back dread before diving into the first textbook laid out and the homework tucked into the reference page.

At first the work seemed easy, an hour into work without fuss, but soon my thoughts lingered to earlier.

"_I won't beat around the bush..."_

The pencil tip stayed in place on the work page.

_"...are slipping to a devastatingly low point..."_

Beads of sweat trailed down my neck, sending a creepy chill down my back.

I ignored it and continued to write.

_"I suggest taking some time off of-"_

_"-All you are is a nuisance to him."_

I slammed my pencil down on my desk. It was natural to have doubts..._doubts, sure, _I thought sarcastically, and so I turned to my other papers as a means of distraction. My palms were still clammy after I wiped them on my leg. _Just another nervous outcome, _I summed up. Yet my nerves began humming beneath my skin as I tried looking over my Trigonometry answers. None of the numbers looked right to me; they spun while the cold sweats worked up my arms. Maybe it was my body trying to tell me to stop, but I wouldn't listen. I couldn't stop, not when I was on a roll to recovery.

Anxiety rose goosebumps to life on my skin, and I fought the urge to stop. No matter what I couldn't break. There was no room for me to stop. _I have to catch up with my classmates. I have to catch up to Rin._

His name was the catalyst. My thoughts shifted from my teachers to my failing marks, then to my homework that I switched back and forth from. I couldn't stick with anything written before hand. It was like everything else moved away from me, far ahead as I struggled to follow, and gradually I fell behind then-

"Damn it!"

My chest felt heavy with the breaths I took, skin slicked with sweat, and my body like lead, singing with nerves. The once faint headache suddenly seizing to life clouded my thoughts until I couldn't stand the look of a textbook.

Putting my forehead to the desk, I tried breathing slowly, unable to calm the tides of my anxiety.

_This isn't what I wanted...I had everything planned out..._

It all seemed so simple when I first began the school year. I knew for certain that I was going to become a marine biologist by studying at the top of my class. I was going to make a fresh start from my awkward middle school years and the scars of my childhood. _I was going to make Mother proud..._

But there I was struggling with homework. My concentration, maybe my sanity, was shot to hell, and all because of one guy I thought I'd never get to see again. He's the one who flooded my thoughts, who was the reason I panicked over every little thing. Rin..._I can't believe he has this much effect on me..._

A sudden knock came from the door. I heard a familiar squeak of a voice and then the doorknob turning, but I didn't bother moving.

"Senpai, I'm coming in, and we have a guest," Kiyoko said as she closed the door.

I quickly sat up into a better position before the "guest" could see me. My practiced smile forming briefly paused as I found Chie-kaichou standing in front of the door, Kiyoko moving to put her bag beside the bunk beds. The way our captain carried herself, looked at me, I could tell I was going to get my ear chewed off.

And I wasn't in the mood for any more lectures.

"Umm, Nanami-senpai, our-our captain wanted to..."

"I came to stop by," finished the captain. "To see how you're doing."

"Oh," I answered, faking surprise," I'm fine, thank you. I...'m sorry for missing practice. I was-"

"Homework. Yes, I can imagine the struggle with that when you were out sick."

The twinge of frustration in her voice prodded at my fake demeanor. It was almost obvious that she was disappointed in me. _Not that I can do anything to help that, as this week has proven._

"Yes, well, I am busy at the moment. Thank you for-"

"Mio-san, I hope this isn't about last week that you're skipping practice."

"Excuse me?"

Both Kiyoko and I were visibly shocked as our captain said, "I know a liar when I see one.  
"Pardon me for being frank, but the real reason for my visit was to bring you back to the team. I know things must be stressful for you right no-"

"You don't know anything, " I said, my polite facade shattering to dust.

I stood up, ignoring Kiyoko's attempts to calm me down, and stopped right before Chie and replied, "I don't give a damn about anyone's sympathy for me about what happened earlier. I don't want to continue something I'm no good at and be surrounded by others who constantly stare at 'poor, little Mio'. I'm done!"

My exhaled breath came out as quiet shrieks of rage, all that pent up hurt being released on someone who, I became aware of too late, didn't deserve all of it. In the back of my mind I was ashamed, but then again if she was that upset then she'd truly give up on me-

"You realize that all of that self pity is a bunch of crap, right?" she said in a firm tone I couldn't recognize. "Mio-san..."

Her hands gently came to rest on my shoulders, her touch alone a demand for attention like a queen would from her courtiers.

"What happened earlier is in the past. On behalf of the team I am ashamed, disgraced that such behavior had happened under my nose.  
"But, no one is going to give you sympathy should you really not want it. All the girls right now are focusing on the tournament, especially after we lost those three girls on our team. This isn't the time to give up when we're so close to the race. This is crunch time for all of us.  
"So," she continued after a break for breath," I came here to tell you to get your act together. You are actually one of our best butterfly swimmers and it'd be a shame to see you go. But, I can replace you just as easily as the last three girls. Do you really want to quit?"

My cheek burnt more with embarrassment as her question hung dead in the air.

"Mio-san?"

More rage and fury swept over me, yearning to be set free. I thought I wanted to swim for myself, for Mother, for Kiyoko, and then Rin came along, but-but after the argument...I wasn't..._Didn't I want to leave it behind?_

My head started shaking, and the answer unfolded before me. I still had Kiyoko rooting for me, and as my captain tried to make me understand, I couldn't quit when it mattered most to train. Earlier I thought Rin...I thought he was a good enough reason to swim, but I couldn't rely on that pipe dream any longer. I knew that deep down I still cared about swimming, so I just had to move on and find another purpose to swim.

"N-no..."

"What was that?" our captain asked.

"I don't want to be replaced. I want to stay on the team!" I nearly shouted.

She gave me a glowing smile I never thought possible from her, and then said, "Good.

"Now follow me."

* * *

"Let's see some hustle, Mio! Rotate the hips, just like from last week's session! C'mon, think about the other swimmers who're gaining on you!"

Halfway to the finishing point, I sped up to the clapping and whistle-blowing of my captain. I was light on water, like sea breeze on the ocean, unleashed compared to my chained down form from before. Kicking out my feet, I carved my way through the water, feeling its cool kiss on my skin as I sped on ahead. Seconds later, I was practically laughing in between breaths for air. That kind of bliss was like a drug.

"How'd I do that time, captain?" I asked as I climbed out of the pool.

"If we can squeeze in another practice before we leave, I think you can beat the record," Chie-kaichou answered, looking over her clipboard to give me a thumbs-up.

"Senpai, I'm so happy for you!" said Kiyoko as she came towards us in her swimsuit.

"Thanks. Good luck to you, too."

"Th-thank you, senpai!" she squeaked with reddening ears.

The evening sun burnt to a crisp red in the distant sky outside the pool room, a sign for me to get back to the dorms to study. Even after avoiding trouble of failing my classes earlier, I wasn't going to relax just yet. It was a grueling month of training and studying, but I was lucky to have pulled through with my improved attitude.

"Hey, Mio, before you go," asked Chie, "do you remember the rosters I showed you last week?"

"Yeah," I answered. _How could I forget? My cousin snuck around during our trip and shared intel with my captain without saying 'hi'_. But most importantly...

"Are you sure you can pull through both the hundred meter freestyle and butterfly? You can't overwork yourself on one before the other."

"It's no problem. I can do it."

I knew what I was getting myself into, though it wasn't my initial intention when signing up for the events those long months back. Learning that Kasumi had signed up for the hundred meter freestyle, I knew I had to pull myself together. She was determined to move on as she'd expressed during the joint practice, and to me, the freestyle was a way to show that I did too.

I was on my way down a new, brighter path.

* * *

_A/N: Quick note here I wanted to add-If you want to get the latest deets on the story's progression, please take a gander at my profile page from the link on my username. And thank you for following SWaS thus! :D_


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